“Light must come from inside. You cannot ask the darkness to leave; you must turn on the light.” — Sogyal Rinpoche

Tobias Kaye, a wise guide for me, has encouraged me to move to a better living space. No, not a physical move, but one infinitely better—a psycho-spiritual one.

I have written far too many words about American politics and that should have no room in my life, one dedicated to awakening. It is alright to state the truth, but it is definitely not right to become emotionally negative about it.

So I am turning over a new leaf. Feel free to challenge me when I fail to remember what I have just written.

My life, for the most part, is dedicated to truth. I spend lots of time at the Mac, letting the spirit speak through me and for me. I am not channeling, as I have often said. I am in full consciousness as I write these essays.

I also spend a lot of time in silence, realizing the benefit of it.

It gives me joy to put these essays down; it is within the realm of possibility for me. I am using my God-given use of words. I am not perfect; just ask my son! But hopefully I do possess the needed humility to apologize for my misdeeds.

The time in my earth-body is growing late and one never knows when the last essay will be written. But until then, I am at your service and that of truth with a capital “T.”

The light can make use of any of us any time we pray for that to be done. “Thy will, not my will.”

I ask forgiveness for sometimes bringing nasty political thought into what are essentially essays about the Way. I shall try to do better.

Vicki Woodyard

“Dance, when you’re broken open.”
~Rumi

I have been broken open more often than most people, yet I have not learned to dance! Come to think of it, though, I dance in words, don’t I? And not in spoken words but in written ones.

Writing is a form of soul dance for me, has been since I was in third grade. I would go to the school bookstore and get me a notebook. In it I wrote poems I composed. You see, I won Third Place Honorable Mention in the newspaper’s poetry competition. Being eight years old, I envisioned that mention as meaning I was very good at poetry!

I was also a talented acrobat dancer and even wore point shoes that I stuffed with lamb’s wool to keep from getting blisters. I was carefree until the age of twelve when I had an attack of agoraphobia. I didn’t know the name for it, then; I just knew I was terrified for no good reason.

I can still be terrified at this advanced age.

Lately I write daily about anything that strikes my fancy. Usually it’s something about how hard it is to keep our balance in this world. And it is almost impossible.

So I look back on my childhood and how I wrote poetry just for my own enjoyment. I majored in English in college and writing has always been easy for me. Math not so much. I married a man who got his Electrical Engineering degree from Georgia Tech. I couldn’t use a yard stick and he couldn’t write a poem.

After our kids were born, I tried my hand at humor, as most of you know. My father loved any kind of comedy and I took after him in that respect.

As a housewife, my perfectionism made me a meticulous housekeeper, but I was always a mediocre cook and decorator.

Our daughter died on a hot July day when she had barely turned seven years old. My husband and son and I saw parts of ourselves die with her, but we would seldom talk about it. Too painful, much too painful.

Now my son and I live together and every day has its share of grumbling. I forgot to activate my debit card; he doesn’t turn his TV down low enough.

Deep down we know that for some of us, life does not bring security but chaos. That is why I keep a tidy house; my emotions can erupt at any moment, spilling ashes all over the floor.

I never show my scars to people except when I write, so let’s keep this to ourselves, shall we? I am going to clear the floor of my keyboard and dance this essay all the way to Facebook. Anybody up for a spin?

Vicki Woodyard

Pain leads nowhere. If you are in pain, you are living in your head and it is highly unlikely that you will break the spell of the human condition.

These days the words of Jesus lead me to a place of insight and peace.

There is no conflict there, nor is there individual suffering. There is just one way to find this place of insight. You must let go of your emotions, whether they be murderous or pure. Emotions are to be risen above again and again and again.

We leave the world initially, seeking grains of esoteric knowledge. We buy books and listen to YouTube teachers, but we never touch the hem of His Garment that way. We remain asleep and in pain.

If we are lucky, or it is our karma, we throw out the books and even the bits of knowledge that we think we have attained.

Silence welcomes us home, but our stay is momentary and we forget everything in order to have the trinkets of this world.

The price to leave the world is too high, or so we think. And because of that thinking, we endure endless suffering.

We are allowed to suffer for as long as it takes.

And then perhaps one day we get a sight of ourselves in the mirror. How can we love and forgive that image? We don’t have to, for images will always remain unreal.

This is a world of images in which the bad guys kill the good guys and punishment is never given to them. We seethe in justification as we remain in the dream.

Our only hope is to fall to our inner knees and call on something higher to help us.

This is the beginning of humility and we will forget it time and time again.

That is what higher conscious does; it removes the person who is forgetful. In its place is the nothingness that is our birthright. We become the Self in all beings.

Selah.

Everyone suffers mechanically, but no one suffers consciously. Suffering consciously opens us directly into the light within.

Suffering has been a main theme in my life. To avoid a complete meltdown, I turned to everyday chores to keep me on a somewhat even keel.

Dusting, tidying up, keeping my files in order, etc. gave me breathers from the sorrow that was facing me.

I cried as I dusted but dust I did. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. It’s all dust at some point, albeit cosmic.

I woke this morning from a bad dream. There was a party at someone’s house but I didn’t want to go. I went out for a walk and when I came home my house had been ransacked. Neighbors saw what happened. Oddly enough, the top floor was locked and I explained that belonged to my husband. Everything else was in disarray. I am not sure what that means, but this morning I feel emotionally defeated. Got the January blahs.

The world is being overrun by evil clothed in the bodies of Far Right extremists. Here in America, the far right in our government want to reduce aid to Ukraine and do many other things to weaken our country. So far, our Justice Department has yet to indict Donald Trump.

Jesus told us plainly that the Kingdom of Heaven is not here. Others have seen that the world is not a good place and it is on the way to extinction. What can we do at this point?

We can stop suffering mechanically! There is another choice and that is to suffer consciously. Few know how to do this because it is an esoteric gem hidden from the masses. “Don’t cast your pearls before swine.”

Sit alone and just breathe in and out for a few minutes. Do nothing but that. That kind of consciousness can change everything in your inner life. It may not change the outer, but it does change the inner.

For just a moment, be like a little child listening to its father.

That changes the world for you one breath at a time.

Vicki Woodyard

I didn’t start out to be a spiritual writer; my first choice was to write humor. But when my seven-year-old died of cancer, it wasn’t funny. Her death put me on the spiritual path and that’s where my feet have gone ever since. I was 35 when she died and now I am old and my words are a mix of light and darkness, for no one on earth is all light!

When I sit down to write my mind is blank. But having studied truth for decades, I have learned that what flows through me when I write is from a well that never goes dry.

This morning the January sun is weak and so am I. The holidays do me in, so I am learning to have silence be my guide until the first robin is seen.

“Who am I” is a holy question, an open door into the light. Stepping cautiously in, I sense the healing presence of humility. I don’t know who I am; I can only give you a bit of surrender. That bit is the widow’s mite; it is what unlocks the secrets of “I am.”

There is no thing as choice in our earth lives; everything is simply happening. No one can start or stop anything of value without surrendering their ego first. Surrender is when life becomes juicy. Before surrender, everything is cut and dried. Nothing is savored and everything is looked upon with a jaded eye.

We must become as little children. That is the solution to the aridity of the heart. I weep openly, as a child would do. The salty tears are tasted on my tongue and in my locked-up tomb of a heart. But a miracle happens as I write; everything I felt I had to do is seen as dross. I turn away from that darkness into the light.

The light is within; it has always only been within. It never mattered how I looked to other people; it only mattered that I was willing to turn towards the light within. And it was then that I hit pay dirt; the tomb of my heart was empty but now the light was everywhere and nowhere. The tomb was just another illusion.

Vicki Woodyard

Breaking news: This world is utterly convincing! Of course I wrote that tongue-in-cheek, but it is nevertheless true. When we have a bad hair day, we believe that it matters. Or when Putin wages war on Ukraine and when school shootings happen, we are still convinced that this world is real and that so are we.

Nothing could be further from the truth, my friends. It is all a play in consciousness, as Shakespeare pointed out.

Increasingly I forgive myself and others. The big stumbling block for me is seeing America in decline and autocracy rearing its ugly head. To read that Trump and Putin are in alliance and that the division of America can be laid at their feet. How can Americans believe that the Republican Party is anything other than an autocracy? But it is all a play in consciousness.

How does the world manage to convince us to believe in it, because it does.

Why do men and women turn towards darkness rather than light?

I turn to the words of Jesus, “My kingdom is not of this world.”

So where is His Kingdom if not within?

But we also find evil within and thereby hangs the story of the fall of man.

It is up to each individual to heed the words of the Master.

“Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”

Be aware that the con is on, to quote Vernon Howard. Stop being gullible; stop being duped by yourself.

Stop being convinced of the reality of evil, for in the Higher Kingdom, it does not exist. “I go to prepare a place for you.”

Work on yourself night and day for we “do not know the day when the prince of this world cometh.” And he will be disguised as war and pestilence, of which we are experiencing both.

“Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”

Vicki Woodyard




“Clarity does not provide answers,
It dissolves questions.”
~Wu Hsin

I saw this quote on Elsa Joy Bailey’s Facebook Page and loved it. It explains so much. Why? Because questions and answers are on the intellectual level.

Clarity moves us into that famous Guilt-Free Zone; you know, the one where you never enter.

The Guilty Zone is where most of us live and where advertisers want us to buy property.

Our questions also keep us out of the Guilt-Free Zone.

Waking up is hard to do because our bodies are full of questions and unconscious emotions.

So we start the day by entering Silence and remaining there for about five minutes.

Once the day begins, we are mere mechanical men and women running the hamster wheel of expectations. Will we, should we, can we, dare we, etc.

Awareness is immediately forgotten. Once we leave the house, we are running on mechanical energy. As an experiment, say to yourself: I am going to remember myself while I am at the grocery (or elsewhere). You can’t do it. I often catch myself on leaving the grocery and realize I sleepwalked through every aisle.

Now you sit down and breathe consciously, letting thoughts arise and not questioning them. They are what they are and there is no need to fight them or let them take you over.

Jesus spoke a long time ago and suddenly we know whereof He spoke: “Let not your heart be troubled ; neither let it be afraid.”

Be clear about your inability to stay awake.

That is called confession and next comes repentance. Everything hangs on everything else.

Vicki Woodyard

The Art of Being Yourself

It is not so easy to be yourself when there is so much falseness inside of you. We are all weighed down by falsehood we took upon ourselves when we were young. Then we believed that if we did the best we could, we would not feel so afraid.

I still feel afraid. Do you?

Social lies are born of fear, guilt and shame. We feel natural human emotions and we try to suppress them in order to be acceptable. Being acceptable is the booby prize, dear friends. All of those other people are suppressing their emotions, too.

What can we do when we realize that the game is rigged in favor of falsehood? Do we stop playing our destined part? No, we are destiny itself. Destiny cannot be fooled.

We must play our destined part while seeing the falseness and how it punishes us.

I used to think that things would get better if I tried harder. They didn’t.

I turned away from the world and it didn’t miss my falsehoods a bit.

Now I am alone and I have no choice but to be myself with all of its complexities, guilt and shame.

When I interact with people, the falsehood springs back to life, for destiny demands conformity.

But there is one more thing!

One day your true self will have had enough falsehood and it will utter a seldom-used word in society. It will say an inward NO.

This is a right no rather than a wrong one, for you are saying no to everything that would go against your true nature. And never ask how you do it. Just do it.

Peace. “My peace I give you. Not as the world gives, give I unto you.”

The truth will make you free.

Vicki Woodyard

Thoughts about destiny….

We are born into this world to play certain parts. As Shakespeare said, “All the world’s a stage.” And I was led to Maui where I met a guru by the name of John Ramsey. He was teaching a course about waking up and I found him by means of a dream.

He is sitting on his round bed in a make-do shack and gazing at me with clear blue eyes. He has long limbs and tawny skin from surfing, as he lives on the Hana Highway.

“It’s all a play,” he says to me. “Enjoy the acting.” And he is comical and we laugh and laugh. Bob has isolated himself by sitting in a chair behind me instead of beside me. He doesn’t engage in the conversation that John and I are having.

So many synchronicities on Maui that the lesson of fate is drummed into me. We return home after my getting quite sick and John and I swap letters for a while.

He is clear about how we play our destined roles. Some call this consensual reality. None of us like to admit that we are preprogrammed, but we are. Vernon Howard taught the same thing in different ways.

Since I am looking at my life in the rearview mirror now, I see how everything always falls into place regardless of how painful the falling might be.

Have I learned my destined lessons? I am not even sure of what they are. I know that I do not live a life in the world anymore. Christmas came and went as it was destined to do. I am always glad to have it behind me instead of in front of me.

We can heal even while it might appear that we are not doing so. The human brain is not the path to enlightenment. It is thought that has to be surrendered. Then perhaps destiny can become more playful with us. Not like a lion attacking us, but a playful kitten that wants love and attention.

Oh, one more thing, as Columbo would say, “Happy New Year.”

Vicki Woodyard

This will probably be my last essay of 2022. I have written several hundred and many of you have read all of them. I thank you for that. My knowing is a flowing, if you want to be poetical about it. To put it another way, Vicki is not writing these notes; the notes are arising spontaneously as I place my fingers on the keyboard and allow the words to form.

We do not think enough of how universal we all are because we are seemingly not connected to each other. We think we choose our relationships but we choose nothing. Life chooses us.

Yes, the life force inside of us is in charge of everything. And we are that life force. We have such power that we can only use a tiny portion of it at a time.

My life is winding down now and it becomes more difficult to operate in this sphere. I have no idea how long I will be writing. I see lives ending and my memory becomes less reliable.

My son is now helping me with things I used to find easier to do. He gave me a new phone for Christmas and I never got comfortable with the old one.

I want to teach him my filing system this year so that he can take care of things when the time comes.

This is not a negative essay; I am just being realistic. I know some of you intimately and others only slightly. I don’t give advice and I am happy that this is the case. Rather, I write my notes using universal intelligence coupled with my own often wacky sense of things. I cannot distinguish between the two.

If you want the notes to continue, please offer a donation from time to time. As I often say, “the workman is worthy of his hire.” This is work done in order to fulfill my dharma, at least I think so.

With your donations, I can have lunch out occasionally or buy a book I want to read. You can always find the Donate button at www.vickiwoodyard.com if you want to make a spontaneous donation. But usually I ask for them 3 or 4 times a year and the beginning of the New Year is an auspicious time to contribute to my work.

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Vicki Woodyard

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