The mind lives in hell. Five words to all who struggle to become better people. Transcending the mind is not an easy thing to pull off. That is because we have been conditioned to believe that we should be good people. Yes, we should be, but we aren’t!

All spirituality is to show us where the mind lives. Jesus himself said that his kingdom was not to be found here on hearth and yet we never understand what he meant.

The deception starts in elementary school or even kindergarten. All of these words about sharing and loving your neighbor begin there. Some of us will die believing the deception. Others will cast aside worldly values and begin searching for the truth.

So what is the deception? It is believing instead of living consciously.

We are to have faith, not in the world of dreams, but in the world of truth.

Jesus talks about the abundant life and he does not mean abundant deception.

I have spent decades straddling the fence between deception and the abundant life. One day it will be too late for me to wake up.

Politics is the game of deception. So is everything that the ego does.

Truth can save us from the illusions of the mind.

Start simply. Know that you live in hell. Heaven hears that silent acknowledgement. What comes next erases the mental blackboard and you fall into the softness of the heart.

Vicki Woodyard

I sat beside my little girl’s white and gold casket. I was wearing a dusty rose two-piece suit that I had bought to wear on our trip to Los Angeles in 1971. She was wearing her birthday dress, and a wrist corsage from our dear friend Joann. She had just turned seven.

There were a few relatives that came to see us at the funeral home, but not many, because we lived in Atlanta and she was to be buried in our hometown of Memphis, Tennessee.

Now I am older and frailer than I was back then in 1978. Her father was buried next to her in December of 2004. I will be cremated when my time comes.

I never returned to my former self; I suppose she was buried along with our daughter. The new Vicki was strong in some ways and destroyed in others.

I found Vernon Howard to be the perfect teacher for me. He insisted that there was only the Self and that we were all it, just playing different roles at different times.

I had no idea that I would become an essayist, holding to the theme of awakening. The ego cannot waken, for it does not exist.

Some of you weep with me at times as you face your own dark night of the soul. Mine went on for decades.

My time and life is my own and only I know how it feels to bury a small child.

My son and I are marked by her death and the death of her father. We don’t talk about it or dwell on it, but the bruises cannot be healed except by bringing light to them.

The inner light we carry we are able to pass on to others.

I give you mine in each essay I write.

The gentle winds of healing do their work in their own time and the times are dark indeed.

Nevertheless, we must walk on.

Vicki Woodyard

I have been watching Vicki for a very long time. I know there is a difference between how she behaves in the world and how she behaves at home. This is called duality and is expected of us.

Another point is that although she has read countless books on awakening, that wisdom is quickly papered over as she ventures forth into society.

She forgets her True Nature in order to keep her act in place.

The result is that she is deep into denial about doing this.

Everyone is role-playing and Shakespeare said that all the world’s a stage.

I have noticed that I can be studying truth right before I go to the grocery. The role-playing starts as I leave the house and Vicki’s true nature is erased from her consciousness.

If you deny doing this, you are sound asleep.

It used to be fashionable to visit online forums and indicate that you were awake. As Vernon Howard said, “The only difference in sleeping people is how they snore.” (Humor is vital.)

There’s a certain group of people that call themselves light workers. They speak mumbo jumbo about aura colors and strange visions.

We are all walking and talking in our sleep.

Even the disciples could not stay awake while Jesus was being condemned to death.

It is so vital to see how hard it is to manage even a few moments of true awakening.

We have a lot of work to do and no one will give us credit for it.

It is a thankless job to see how sound asleep you are.

Do it anyway. This is called humility.

Vicki Woodyard

Carry the world or be crushed by it….

I wrote that down on a sticky note because it seems to sum up life very nicely. We are always faced with a choice about any particular problem that arises. Do we let it rattle us or do we carry it consciously?

Right now I am being crushed by my tremor, which is suddenly just bad enough to make anything done with my hands a bit more difficult.

It doesn’t hurt to exaggerate things when you are feeling way too serious about something. I could say that I choose to carry my crazy instead of being crushed (or rushed) by it.

This leaves me with a clean slate, which is desperately needed in these mind-numbing times.

I can type this more consciously in order to avoid mistakes.

I can breathe more consciously.

We always have choices as to how we will react to what God has ordained for us.

The planet is darkening as its inhabitants grow more destructive. Jesus was right; awakening is for the few. The masses prefer to sleep on.

As spiritual students, we are charged to see clearly and stop associating with evil. But the evil is within as well as without! So we are also charged to watch our thoughts, emotions and actions.

We make a vow to live each day as consciously as possible. That is a prayer.

Amen.

Vicki Woodyard

The last couple of days I have been busy; yesterday a man stopped by selling pine straw. We struck a deal and he and 2 helpers got it spread around the islands in my yard and it looks nice. It is ironic that in the South we use pine straw for mulch, but there you have it.

Rob did the grocery shopping and we had our own little individual picnics for supper. Then he went for a ride and I watched TV.

It is going to rain today and I have nothing planned. I have started doing my income tax preparations and that always makes me nervous, so I am not gonna do it today.

My fear is that it will get to the point where I cannot type easily; my hands are already trying to run away from the keys. No one would know that I have a tremor because it doesn’t show up unless I want to write, for example. Instead of my hands methodically hitting the keys, they jump away.

I can’t take the medication that is the most helpful, unfortunately. Even if I could, the tremor would still get worse as time goes by.

I look around at this old house and mentally worry about when I need to start seriously downsizing. I have quit driving, which doesn’t bother me a bit.

Spiritual challenges are always changing. Mine are watching my body begin to betray itself in small ways at first, luckily.

I don’t expect life to go easily; instead I start letting go of the things that are the most difficult for me to do.

Here in the States, a great decline is taking place. Indeed, all over the world, cruelty and suffering is being ramped up. Our inner work is of great importance to the whole. Never doubt that.

The circle of life is being squeezed by the boa constrictor of hatred and malice. May God help us all.

Tomorrow I will return to writing on the topic of what else but how bad off my own psyche is. Everyone else’s is beyond my control. Actually, individuals have no real power except to embrace the Tao. That is a worthy purpose for any of us.

Vicki Woodyard

*****

Everything is always coming apart at the seams because we live in the ego’s fear of being exposed. We secure our fortresses as best we can, but sooner or later, things will fall apart in big ways or small.

Jesus spoke only to the few that he felt would listen. And even they, at the end, could not stay awake with him as he faced the cross. He forgave them as he forgives us.

He is no longer a flesh and blood martyr but a risen example of truth.

Yesterday I was a bunch of nerves. Every year when I have to gather all of my income tax data, I feel the fear of making a mistake. I tried to stay calm, but as always, I felt anxiety.

The ego is not a person but an assumed costume worn to protect itself. The person inside of you is the risen Christ. Let that sink in before reading on.

We all know that we lie in order to present a false front to the world. Vernon Howard called this the False Self.

That is the situation, but what is the solution?

The solution is to simply see that we are fast asleep in the lies of this world. And that we cannot help ourselves.

This brings the ego to silence and in that silence we feel a breath of fresh air. Some might call this the Christ Consciousness.

Just breathe and let go. Breathe and let go. Breathe and let go.

Amen.

Vicki Woodyard

Emptiness is true medicine for the soul

Emptiness is true medicine for the soul. All great teachers have indicated this. My favorite sage is Ramana Maharshi; he was also an inspiration for my friend Peter.

We start off walking the path with great excitement and anticipation. We long to understand what needs to be understood. Ironically, the last thing to be understood is that silence is our true nature!

This is because human nature is constantly yakking about itself and therefore not listening to the silence.

Listening to the silence is beneficial to every part of our being and we prefer yakking.

Social life is one big yak-fest in which no one has ears to hear the silence.

The ego needs to be insulted and denied its false claims of legitimacy.

Vernon Howard taught his students how ignorant they were of their true nature. He knew that Sunday school lessons or words given from the pulpit would not help them to grow.

Under Vernon we were learning to suffer consciously rather than mechanically.

This teaching technique began with Gurdjieff, who insulted anyone daring to come close to him. Most teachers and students prefer to ramble endlessly about the light.

Being silence brings a renewal of energy and more energy can then be redirected to our messy complicated lives.

In the silence we come to know how we are forced to lie on the social level. We then value truth all the more.

Be still and know that I am God. Amen.

Vicki Woodyard

I am old enough to know better, aren’t you? Adam and Eve certainly were, but that’s another story, or maybe not. If you are wondering what I mean, it’s that every time a new situation comes up, I react like I have been reacting my entire life. Sound familiar?

I am prone to overreact on the emotional level from simple things to huge things. That is just my nature. It can’t be changed, but I can become aware of it and that IS the change.

From agoraphobia and social anxiety to years of real terror about my child and husband dying. These have contributed to my feelings of depression and anxiety to this day. Nothing has changed.

I have taken certain steps, though, that help me a lot. I am saying no to anything that would stress me out or make me tire easily. And I am so content to stay within my comfort zone. I feel I have earned that privilege.

The plus side of introversion is that you have ample time to yourself. From an afternoon nap to an afternoon movie, you have the time (or at least I do.)

The other plus is that I have time to study my life. The missing piece of the puzzle has always been my fear of disappointing people. I have almost gotten over that, but not entirely.)

And I have time to write until the cows come home. Mooooooo.

Vicki Woodyard

These are dark times that we live in and they are getting worse by the minute. What can we do, as students of the Way, that will bring us through all of these crises?

The answer is “Nothing!”

Vernon Howard made it very clear that good and evil are always opposites. We must rise above the opposites if we are to ever know peace.

We do this by putting truth first in our daily life. We perform our duties and we also work on ourselves.

When bad news comes, we must acknowledge our fear and then keep on working.

For me, working means that I put silence as a priority in my life. Small bits of the day are given over to sitting, often with a book open on my lap for inspiration.

It may seem that we are living dull and unimportant lives, but this is our salvation. We must not get all worked up over world events, for they are ever with us.

All we do is simplify our lives so as to have room for the spirit to move in us. The spirit doesn’t move in those with warring thoughts, only in those that make a place for it.

That place is silence. Find it and use it. Let it heal you over and over and over again.

Vicki Woodyard

“Wherever you are is the entrance point.” ~ Kabir

I woke up this morning in a stupor, barely knowing where I was. The reason: I took a tiny tablet prescribed by my doctor to help me with tremor. The last time I took it was over a year ago and then it just upset my stomach, so I quit taking it. But the tremor is really starting to get in the way, so I am trying this again.

After breakfast I went back to bed and lay there for a few more hours and I just got up and got dressed. Still groggy, but less so.

“Wherever you are is the entrance point.” ~ Kabir

I found the quote above on Elsa Bailey’s Facebook Page and immediately wanted to build an essay around it. Why? Because we think only certain moments are worth writing or talking about. And that is the trick to my writing; I don’t believe the hype surrounding awakening.

I can do only one thing well and that is write. And I write about awakening because no one is awake.

So my entrance point is knowing that I am asleep. And this morning, that applied literally. My brain was slowed down by this tiny little pill and I have to wait for it to wear off.

So I watched a very funny interview with Dustin Hoffman on 60 Minutes, Australia. It is worth watching.

We live in very dangerous times. For some the entrance point is seeing their town destroyed by the Russians. For others it may be a very embarrassing zit! Nevertheless, wherever we are is the entrance point.

Look for the door and walk through. Don’t waste any time because it will shut soon. Other doors open and close all day long, just like our eyelids.

One fine day we will all walk through it for the last time.

Hurry up; go, zits and all!

Vicki Woodyard