None us of can help what happened to us subconsciously. We simply reacted rather than acting. For that, we are forgiven. (“Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”)

But when in the fullness of grace, we allow ourselves to be lifted up by confession and contrition, all that we did or failed to do, is indeed forgiven. And we walk with grace into the light.

As I was writing this, my old friend T. called. Rob and I went to her husband’s memorial service and her daughter played the piano. She chose a Bach prelude and the Moonlight Sonata. She told me her daughter had forgiven her father for their past relationship issues and she only realized that as she played.

No one can help or absolve themselves from guilt until it “happens” by grace. So we might as well get on with our lives as best we can.

T. has learned that she has heart failure and is downright accepting of it. I told her I felt the same about my neurological issues. They are what they are and I have no sense of loss about not being social anymore. I have Rob and my sister and that is the extent that I keep in touch with family these days. (And my cousin Karen as well).

God’s will for me is a deepening silence and it is out of that silence that I write these notes. A lot of you are in agreement with me that there is no free will except how to accept what God has ordained.

It is time to let things be and to let things come and go, not resisting or resenting any of it.

I will die with a myriad of faults, all forgiven by grace. This I know and accept. Until then, I write what I can when I can. And I hope some of you say amen to that.

Vicki Woodyard

We carry this pierced heart about with us, pretending that we don’t. What we don’t know is that everyone feels it. Now and then the grace of our suffering outweighs the darkness of it, and the angels weep for joy.

The tremors are upping the ante for me to continue in the Truth Game. Yesterday I had to break down and take a xanax for them (prescribed by my neurologist because nothing else has worked.) It does calm the tremor a bit but leaves me feeling sedated. This is a preview of things to come, sadly.

I have enjoyed the pause from writing notes. I decided to get some prunes, kefir and yogurt, plus blueberries and grapes. I have gained three pounds from those. (And from the cookies and ice cream, as well.) I shall now call this essay “Nothing is easy on Planet Earth.”

I heard a funny line on a Korean drama I was watching last night. A woman asks a man if he thinks there are people on other planets. He answers Yes, because if there aren’t, there is a huge space going to waste.’’ I smiled.

Robert Rabbin is one of my favorite writers. Sadly he died of cancer some years ago. I have had his book, “The Sacred Hub” for years and have underlined most of it. I saw that there was a new edition and promptly ordered it. It is a gold paperback. I put it in the place of honor on my club chair stool and felt glad I had ordered it.

I would quote from it, and I may later, but today is just notification that I will be writing less, more than likely. These neurological issues are a bitch, to put it truthfully. Insert ironic emoji of your choice.

I am choosing to spend more tie in silence and less time in writing. Everything important has already been said and written. It remains for us to become conscious enough that we can profit from it.

Right now I am going to just sit and let nothingness do its thing. Not a bad idea for each one of us. The hard part is continuing on the flight to consciousness. There are intriguing guides if we but heed them. The late Robert Rabbin is one such guide.

Vicki Woodyard

Dear Friends,

Ann urge for silence has arisen, so I am heeding the call. Not sure how long it will last.

Until then,

Love,
Vicki

I seek the solace of silence.

The silence is medicine for the worldly soul.

The silence is continually reborn as we seek it.

The silence is looming over us all and it is for our good that we seek it.

Seek and ye shall find.

Vicki Woodyard

The Work teaches that the Law of Levels is absolute. I am hard put to describe it myself, but it goes something like this: Anything you do mechanically will be repaid on that level. Anything you do consciously will be repaid on THAT level. Sigh. It’s been a long time since I was a Vernon Howard student, so bear with me.

I am old now and I “met” the Work when I was about 43. Searching for answers, I had a dream that directed me to Vernon’s school outside of Las Vegas, Nevada.

These days I am still walking and talking in my sleep; if it were otherwise, I would not be living on this low planet. Down here there is only darkness. Either you wish to rise above it or you are sinking further and further deep into it. That is why Vernon yelled at us. He knew that we are always working against our better natures. Steeped in evil, thinking that we are better off than we actually are.

At his school I learned things that I could not share with other people, but I knew in my heart that they were true. I studied deeply for decades and have been writing for decades as well. I am still suffering mechanically, for that is the nature of sleeping human beings.

There is no light here on this dark planet, none at all. We can aspire to rise above it, but we continually fall back into the morass, for it is all we know.

So when I am thinking, I am on the mechanical level; when I know that I am thinking I rise to a higher level. But I cannot stay there. This is a back and forth, in and out world that we can only transcend momentarily. Just when I think that I am not suffering, I fall back into it again.

Do not be deceived into thinking that you are better off than you are. God is not mocked. I know that some of you will be offended by this, but that’s okay. Taking offense is on the mechanical level.

The Earth is a giant schoolyard and the bullies have taken over. They are sound asleep and know not what they do. But neither do the so-called “good guys.” They are just on a different side; they have not risen above the opposites yet, either.

Want to hear more? I didn’t think so.

Vicki Woodyard

The world, our beloved Planet Earth, is heating up and flooding our living space. It is too hot and too wet to be optimal. Those of us on the inner way can read the signs. There was a flood once and there will be again. It may not be a flood of water but of evil disguised as good.

Wordsworth said, “The world is too much with us late and soon. Getting and spending we lay waste our powers. Little we see in nature that is ours.”

If we look within, we can feel the delicacy of the Earth’s balance because we are the ones causing catastrophe.

This is not a sermon or a lecture; I am one woman studying herself and the world. Notice the division. Adam and Eve left ideal conditions and immediately began to feel their unsettled thoughts and feelings. It has ever been thus.

I do not belong anywhere anymore. I post my writing online and get a few like-minded readers. I should say “like-spirited” readers, I suppose.

I am one person studying herself and that is enough and plenty.

I start each day realizing how constricted my life has become and I offer no resistance to what is. In fact, I luxuriate in it. Why? Because I have no other choice. I piddle and fiddle around the house and spend time at the Mac and the TV. I am satisfied and my life is good.

I am grateful for my handful of readers. They trust the energy that I emit in each sentence. That comes from years of honing my sentences and wishing to transmit the truth in an energetic sense.

God bless us everyone. Now let us eat some chocolate! Amen.

Vicki Woodyard

A Good Quote from my book, “Life With a Hole in It”

“Living a spiritual life requires admitting that one is not living a spiritual life.”

And a quote from Alan Larus, also in the book:

“In my visits to my teacher I noticed
A change many years ago.
Her house has always been silent.
Now the silence began to rip every illusion apart.”

Words won’t enlighten you. I am not even sure that meaning can. When you are left with the ultimate silence, words and meaning both fall away.

The page of the heart is blank, even while emotions rage and words tumble out. It remains blank even while human beings cram nouns and adjectives and expletives in.

The open heart is receptive and open and only grace has the key.

Oh, humility plays a part, but that, too, must fall away.

When there is nobody home, there is no one to blame.

What a frickin’ relief.

Vicki Woodyard