It is possible to have a new way of life and it is a private one. It often happens when something devastating happens to you. The rational mind has nothing to do with it, for the mind is on autopilot. We are looking for a way to live a rich inner life, growing more and more comfortable in the silence.

After having read thousands of books and thought millions of thoughts, I now see silence as a healing agent. Not repression, but silence. The mind must be parked at the curb so that the spirit can breathe.

The mental education I had bore no fruit, but the spiritual education is ongoing. There is no point at which I can say that I have achieved enlightenment. That is a newcomer’s game with no discernible payoff.

I have few books left on my shelves. Instead there is blank space where they used to be. I have a few favorites that I pick up from time to time. Joel Goldsmith, Nisargadatta, Vernon Howard, to name a few.

Esoterically speaking, the old becomes then new when your eyes begin to open. The Book of John in the New Testament always brings me to my inner knees. “In my father’s house there are many mansions. I go to prepare a place for you.” The place is inside of every human being that wants to find it. It is worth repeating that it is inside of us.

I sit in a comfortable chair, close my eyes and breathe. The world is forgotten, albeit momentarily. I do this off and on all day long. I am inviting the silence to speak to me.

I lost a little girl to a childhood cancer and my husband to an adult one. The scars are where the new teachings begin. Now there are not only thorns but roses. And yes, they are inside.

There is reason for hope and there is a path for peace to arrive from within.

Peace, be still

Vicki Woodyard

I can only post what I am moved to write. The blank page is a gift to me; it offers a space in which to put down what I see is true.

I write about the same things over and over again. Why? Because what motivates me is what motivates you, the reader. This is quite selfish of me, so be apprised of that when you read an essay of mine.

I never set out to write essays; that form just seems to fit the length to which I might go, literally! After a dozen paragraphs or so, I am done writing.

I write about the many ways in which I fall down as a human being.

I write about esoteric spirituality, which is an open book to me. Why? Because that is what my soul was lead to learn.

Simplicity is key for me. And my maiden name is Vera Key. That translates to “true key.”

Vicki is only my nickname.

The truth laid bare is what Jesus taught. Brevity is what He favored.

I began by writing one-liners and they led to essays.

I try to write honestly about my favorite subject, awakening.

So how can a sleeper write about waking up?

She must venture into unknown waters.

Once there, she must let the reader figure out if she is being honest or not.

In other words, the reader has the final say-so. I am off the hook!

So that’s my nutshell reason, but reason takes a poor second to spirit.

Ignore me altogether and feel what arises in you!

Vicki Woodyard

P.S.
At first I thought she was holding a toothbrush!

Consciousness is universal. Everyone born into this world has universal consciousness but it quickly turns into personal consciousness. Universal consciousness is writing this, but Vicki’s has a “Vicki” flavor to it, as does yours.

The last few days I keep hearing that message in my head; consciousness is universal. And I get a quick hit of what that means before I go to sleep again. As Vernon Howard said, “The only difference between sleeping people is how they snore.”

To be asleep is the lot of humankind. Adam and Eve were awake until they were told not to eat the apple and then this fallen world began.

Since then, it’s been about gold and glory (another phrase that Vernon used). Egos trample other egos in the race to be the fastest rat. Oh, they disguise themselves brilliantly and they love designer clothing and they dine on culinary delights. They also devise creative ways to sin and not get caught.

Universal consciousness is what we seek when we meditate or reflect on how we have fallen from grace.

It is ours to use or ignore. Use it or lose it, as the old saying goes.

To use it is to prioritize your day with lots of room for silence.

To lose it is to put awakening on the back burner along with everything else.

Let’s wake up before we fall asleep permanently.

Vicki Woodyard

I have been studying truth for the greater part of my life now. It has changed me, but only slightly. While in the body, the world pressures us into fitting in. I developed agoraphobia when I was about thirteen. It didn’t go away until I was in my forties.

I have never fit it in and I am sure many of you feel the same way. Oddly enough, I met the requirements to fit in, but I remained in a state of panic whenever a social occasion arose. Something deep within me refused to compromise my essence. And essence trumps personality.

What is it like to live an essence-influenced life? It requires one to be secretive about your own inner knowing. You see through people but know better than to let anyone know. The emperor has never had any clothes, but keep it to yourself.

Essence-influenced people enjoy their own company more than that of others. The caveat is always the same. Keep it to yourself.

Since my husband’s death I have given myself permission to develop as a writer and a truth-teller. There is no profit to it, just the ongoing interest to share spiritual knowledge. And there is a price to pay for this.

The price, ironically, is social isolation. “Please don’t throw me in the brier patch,” as Brer Rabbit said.

I love my brier patch with its emptiness and aloneness.

Walk alone rather than go along.

Stay true to you.

A no to the world is a yes to your true nature.

It blooms when it blooms. There will be years of suffering.

The suffering will be offset by your very own acceptance of yourself.

Peace comes to those who let go of the world in order to receive the blessings of the Prodigal Son or Daughter.

Blessed assurance never let anyone down; leave it to the world to do that.

I have had the same dream two nights in a row, but I don’t remember the details. In the dream I am getting rid of all the objects in my home and there are lots and lots of them. This is a variation of a dream theme I have had for years. I find myself cleaning up a huge empty space like a warehouse. So maybe it means I am doing a lot of cleanup in my later years; I really don’t know.

Just now I watched a Minimalist Podcast and one of the guys was talking about being extremely introverted and how he liked to keep things simple. No TV or internet, no watch or duvet to have a cover for 😉

Rob is a born minimalist. He shuns the microwave; seldom watches TV and doesn’t own a watch! He is also deeply introverted. He does have a group of guys that he plays Trivia with at different places around town. He cycles miles on a daily basis and goes to hear musicians that he likes.

But back to the subject; obviously my psyche is telling me to get rid of things that give me no pleasure. Also, to shed the guilt I feel about preferring my own company over any social things. The older I get, the more I sigh with pleasure when I have nothing to do but be.

Introverts are shamed into going to events that they would prefer to avoid. Once there, they find their energy siphoned off by psychic vampires. Yes, I said it! I am quite happy doing nothing and doing it alone!

My writing arises from a place of solitude; it is only me and my trusty keyboard.

Maybe you, too, enjoy your own company. What a blessing!

Vicki Woodyard

“I’m gonna say what I feel and do what I want.” That sentence popped into my mind last night. It was too late to write an essay and if I did, I knew it would keep me awake for hours. The sentence was told to me by a counselor decades ago. He said, in words to this effect, a fifty-year-old man said that his birthday wish was to say how he felt and do what he wanted. Now that is a mantra that no one lives up to! And the reason is that the people in your life would feel pain. So he was saying that he wanted to do and say what he felt regardless of the fact that others might feel pain. We need to remind ourselves that we are “others” ourselves.

The pain we feel is constant and there is no relief in sight. Once you see that clearly, you also see that we are the cause of most of it.

Social dishonesty is taught to us as children. But as adults we can re-examine our little social lies. I have left society but guilt still arises easily for me. I imagine what the other person would feel if I left them know how I really felt.

I am happiest without having a social network. Simplicity satisfies me in a way that complexity doesn’t.

This is autumn and I watch the leaves fall to the ground and make a golden carpet. The air is brisk and it calls for tea and muffins. I am happy.

Other people do not make me feel happy. And likewise, I don’t make them feel happy.

Solitude is rare in today’s world of noise.

I am gonna say what I feel and do what I want.

Power to take back my life feels good.

Silence drapes itself around me and I breathe into it.

I am witnessing the cure for self-betrayal.

It feels like a gift.

Vicki Woodyard

What is going on in my mind right now? The proper answer should be surrender. However, the mind, in its stubborn refusal to do so, presents a thorny problem. We enjoy feeling bad because, as Vernon Howard says, gives us a false feeling of life.

I feel bad about so many things that I cannot change. The list is longer than I care to admit. When I finally experience a crash, all thoughts disappear. They are replaced by sadness and fear on the emotional level.

There is a devastating sorrow that none of us dare face. We are alone and afraid in our cocoon of emotions. So we cry out to God and He sends us no palpable answers. The ego is momentarily silenced.

This is because out of this silence, healing can arise.

This is a humble silence and out of it, we return to the Garden of Eden. We are the prodigal coming home.

Now another problem arises and it is the same wolf dressed up in sheep’s clothing. It is “Return of the Ego, Part 99,000.”

God must get very weary of our whining refusal to surrender it all.

But God is always with us.

Try staying with Him as long as possible.

He has room in the inn.

Vicki Woodyard

The world is in a mess (which it always has been.) Once you accept that, it is easy to turn within although your mind is a part of the mess.

What can be done when nothing can be done? For starters, this is critical to see. It is humanity that has messed up the world; therefore we can’t look to human nature to do anything of a spiritual nature.

Silence is an appropriate response to noise. You can put on headphones only to discover that the noise is of an emotional nature.

We are in a mess of our own making and do not have the ability to transcend it, except for shockingly brief periods.

But do what you can.

Note the noise.

Breathe into it.

Realize that this is your superpower: Noting noise and wanting nothing to do with it.

Being whole is your birthright to claim; it never expires, so use it or lose it.

Amen and selah!

Vicki Woodyard

This week starts off mild but will be very cold by tomorrow. If it works out, Rob and I will make a bank trip and then go on to the grocery.

With the midterms barreling down upon us, I realize that the Republican Party is now autocratic. Therefore, they will not behave fairly and it is useless to think that they will.

When you know something clearly, that is the end of hoping that things will turn out differently.

Then you simply KNOW.

The war in Ukraine can never be excused. We see the horrors of it on TV every day. This is more proof that “My kingdom is not of this world.”

Witnessing is a vital part of esoteric spirituality. The witness is not involved on an emotional level. It is the part of us that is pure.

Evil cannot penetrate a pure soul. It will bounce right off of them.

Always do your inner work on a daily basis.

Work hard gathering energy when you have no problems.

Sit alone in silence and simply “be.”

Breathe peace in and breathe peace out.

Nothing can touch you in your soul.

Make no attempt to change things.

Let it be.

Vicki Woodyard

I have never claimed to be enlightened, although many make that claim. Oh, you can understand enlightenment intellectually, but that is of no consequence.

Intellectual understanding is the booby prize. It is the price you pay for lying to yourself.

Yes, thoughts lie to us all day long and we insist on listening to them, don’t we? After all, thoughts are what we learn in school (are programmed to believe.)

I wrestle with my mind daily. It tries to get me to play false in order to please people. And I do this year in and year out. It leaves me exhausted but not humbled.

Being humbled is not something that is taught in schools. Instead we are taught to be nice.

To finish first in the eyes of God, we must be happy finishing last. This is called surrender.

Society does not call for surrender; it calls for obedience.

I am tired of being obedient to the false, so I stand alone in my truth.

After a while I notice that it feels good to stand alone.

Now I am being made whole. I am not whole, but I can be in a process of being made whole.

I can be instructed by the silent voice inside of me.

I sense it rather than talk about it. It is my protection, my shield, my healing.

Humility loses in a social setting, but when I am alone in my confession, humility arises.

And that is a good thing.

Vicki Woodyard