Real “I”

Real “I” is not a social animal. On the contrary, it likes to hide out in silence. This is a knowing silence, one that strips away all of the falseness. Vernon Howard called this “the showcase personality.”

Whenever I have to be around people, I use the unreal “I,” the ego. It is necessary to shield ourselves from all of the other unreal “I’s.” It’s not that there is anything wrong in socializing, but I am a solitary Scorpio.

My work this lifetime turns out to be my writing. I know where the horse is leading me, as Dr. Bernie Siegel once told me. And he added, “and this horse is pregnant.” I was posting my essays on his forum decades ago, and I have certainly written my way around the block!

Now that neuropathy has made its appearance, he told me to honor my limits. And you know what? I like being given permission to do just that. I also honor my writing and try to keep it real.

One of my frequent subjects is how easily we forget Real “I.” We forget it instantly when we go out into the world. It never shows up at the grocery or in a restaurant, etc. I have to remember it consciously.

I had insomnia last night and I know why. Rob and I talked a rather long time, since he is still taking it slow. So when I went to bed, I couldn’t shut myself down long enough to go to sleep. I woke up around 7:30, ate breakfast and went back to bed. When I woke up, it was almost eleven.

Human beings have always been selfish, vain and cruel. Real “I” is the witness to all of our flaws, both individually and collectively.

Real “I” flourishes in silence. Ramana Maharshi frequently referred to that.

We don’t have to get ourselves out of our own way. We just have to see that we have fallen asleep once again. And as Vernon said once, “The only difference in sleeping people is how they snore.”

Vicki Woodyard