I have had nothing to write lately; all the news of death and despair. This is the nature of mankind. I lived through the war of childhood cancer, which bombed our whole family. No one came out unharmed. Our daughter died in spite of her treatments, which went on for over two years. They only stopped when the cancer came back for a second time and then she died in the hospital 3 days before she ran out of oxygen. (The third time it came back in her lungs.)

Time is an illusion for bereaved parents. I am now a widow with only memories of husband and child.

What did those losses do to me? I pretended I was okay while I was grieving hour by hour. Human beings urge others to move on and we do our damndest to follow their instructions.

I have never found a solution for loss. Has it given me unappreciated blessings? Not really.

I have only been interested in transcending this fallen world with its false narratives of peace.

I turn to Jesus and my little girl, both crucified in different ways.

I reach out to others and it doesn’t work.

I reach out to God and receive the gift of silence.

It is enough and plenty. Loaves and fishes of truth.

Solitude is always healing.

Amen.

Vicki Woodyard