Yesterday I hit the wall of reality and it did me good, believe it or not. It is good that I have readers that care about me. Thank you all.

Rob and I ate and then we sat and talked for about an hour. “It seems like you are worse in the morning,” he said and I agreed.

“I’ve reached a different stage with the tremor,” I told him. It is getting harder for me to do things like put on makeup or pluck the stray hairs from my face.” He told me that there are places I can go to for these things.

We kept on talking and talking and talking. We switched to memories we would never be rid of. I told him I remember nothing about Laurie’s funeral. He said he remembered standing across from the grave site while the service was conducted. A friend of my mother’s stood with him.

And then there was the miracle of Bob’s service, the freezing rain hitting the roof as the pastor spoke. Someone placed blankets over our knees as it was bitter cold.

Almost 19 years have passed since the burial of Bob. Times have changed; I will be cremated.

I do my inner work daily and I can tell you that I can be a real pill! But then so can Rob, because there are only two of us left and we experience a lot of emotional pain and fear.

Last night was like a therapy session, though. We shared memories of times gone by. We talked about my brother, Jimmy, that died less than eighteen months ago. He was so droll and quiet.

I have come to see that the advice I got from you all was right; stay here as long as I can.

I have ups and downs with the tremor; the last few days it has gotten worse. I need to get out more and fall is a good time to do that. Go to a nearby place selling small gifts and foods. Eat out, etc.

I have not traveled in ten years and that was to see Leonard Cohen for his last European tour. It was difficult. I was sick the next day after we landed and again when we got home.

I don’t miss travel or other things I can’t do easily anymore. A trip to the grocery or a meal out or to Macy’s satisfies me.

Those of you who have not watched “My Mister” better get busy and watch it. You know who you are 😉 It is about life and its constant challenges and it remains with you forever.

Again, thank you for continuing to read my essays. It is what I do and who I am.

Love, Vicki