After hearing that a dear friend’s husband has been diagnosed with cancer considered incurable, I sat down and went silent. And the words, “the order of deep sorrow” came to me, for I am a sister of that order. It is an invisible order that human beings are initiated into when there has been unimaginable pain.

The pain belongs to all humanity, but until you can admit you belong to it, it remains unhelpful. Then you are too busy to have time to reflect on it.

I have read hundreds of books and written thousands of essays about the spiritual path, but the crown of thorns is never mentioned, yet we all have to wear it eventually. You see, society advises you to get on with your life and I have done that.

My life now is about nothing but honesty and I have so much of it that I still lie to myself about. Honesty is holiness, but it has to be a humbled honesty.

I have little advice to give my friend; I can only write endlessly about human suffering, whether acknowledged or not. We give our little performances but they never touch the suffering.

The suffering is sacrificial, though, so there is an alchemy that can occur when one surrenders to the suffering for even a moment. We would rather hide it, but that doesn’t work.

These essays are typed in blood and surrender to what is. This is not a dramatic statement but the first step into conscious healing of the soul long battered by lies.

We all want comfort when none is available. What is available is a simple prayer: “God help me right now.” That is enough until you realize you must continue to say it all of your life.

The true path leads to death of the ego; the most difficult part is acknowledging that you and your loved ones are not immune from suffering; the way is not around but through.

I love what my little sister used to chant, “May the Long Time Sun Shine Upon You, All Love Surround You, and the Pure Light within you, guide your way on.”

Weep and then wrap the whole world in the light. Amen.

Vicki Woodyard