My life has been one of duty. I am a perfectionist, which is a real drag on joy. Sorrow I have known, but joy is fleeting for me. I find a certain sense of completion when I write, however. I do not mince words, as most of you know. Something happens to me and I write about it.

Everyone talks about the moment but few actually experience it, including me. The reason for that is that we are always striving to be seen in a good light. We fear rejection and therefore court anyone who will pay attention to us for even a second. Facebook was built for that.

I look around the house and think that I must get my ducks in a row. The ducks are covered in dust! I would downsize but I don’t have the energy for a major move. But the bathrooms have never been updated, nor has the kitchen. The kitchen bar is faux wood, a popular look in the 80’s.

I don’t have an eye for design, so I have tried using a decorator, but only for minor things. The last time was about 12 years ago. There won’t be a last time because eventually the house needs to be sold.

This house has scads of room since it is an open plan. I donate stuff to a charity once a month in a puny attempt to keep things in order. We let the maids go when covid began and now Rob is the one that does their work. All I do is dust and fiddle around.

He has organized the spices and everything in the pantry. I take a box of cookies out and put it back at random. He spots the box and puts it back where it is supposed to be. Oy. He is a very good cook as well.

What does this have to do with awakening? Everything has to do with it, every iota of dust on every tabletop on earth. We miss the beauty and the glory because we think we have to create it ourselves!

There is a man-made beauty, just as there is a man-made religion. What we have to do is recognize that just beyond our reach is a truly surrendered life.

Duty and perfectionism are sterile and empty pursuits, for joy is left out of those thankless tasks.

This essay is pointing to the need to be present, even with all of our fake and fading images. Nothing more is needed. “Take off one thing,” is the advice given when dressing for an important even. We should also take off one thing that is distracting us from real beauty—our endless drive to be happy. Spirit is spilling over with happiness; it is we that are deaf, dumb and blind to it.

Vicki Woodyard