None us of can help what happened to us subconsciously. We simply reacted rather than acting. For that, we are forgiven. (“Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”)

But when in the fullness of grace, we allow ourselves to be lifted up by confession and contrition, all that we did or failed to do, is indeed forgiven. And we walk with grace into the light.

As I was writing this, my old friend T. called. Rob and I went to her husband’s memorial service and her daughter played the piano. She chose a Bach prelude and the Moonlight Sonata. She told me her daughter had forgiven her father for their past relationship issues and she only realized that as she played.

No one can help or absolve themselves from guilt until it “happens” by grace. So we might as well get on with our lives as best we can.

T. has learned that she has heart failure and is downright accepting of it. I told her I felt the same about my neurological issues. They are what they are and I have no sense of loss about not being social anymore. I have Rob and my sister and that is the extent that I keep in touch with family these days. (And my cousin Karen as well).

God’s will for me is a deepening silence and it is out of that silence that I write these notes. A lot of you are in agreement with me that there is no free will except how to accept what God has ordained.

It is time to let things be and to let things come and go, not resisting or resenting any of it.

I will die with a myriad of faults, all forgiven by grace. This I know and accept. Until then, I write what I can when I can. And I hope some of you say amen to that.

Vicki Woodyard