I have never been a social animal. Introverted and clearly seeing that socializing was not something I enjoy, it has been easy for me to stay home and study.

I say “study” loosely, for I have long finished reading about the inner way. It is best to say that I finally understand that society has no interest in awakening.

And here comes the final truth: I have no interest in awakening! Yep, we have to get that personal about it. Jesus was speaking to a very small group of people and none of them were awake. And the masses didn’t even have such a concept. They were happy celebrating weddings and mourning deaths and everything in between.

Now me, I have done my level best to understand the nature of enlightenment. I still don’t get it. If I did, I would no doubt lead a different life.

The essays I have written are based on my desire to awaken and my clear failure to do so. So I can talk about myself as “Vicki.” But to me, I am just me, as you are just you.

In spite of my failure, I was led to Vernon Howard, a teacher who insulted everybody. Those in his school worked very hard to become enlightened and he would say things like, “None of you are awake.” You see, enlightenment is just a concept; it has no basis in reality.

If you look around you and read the news, you hear and see quite nasty things. That is why there are such things as imprisonment, stealing, lying and cheating. But if you are really trying to wake up, you will see that you, too, are capable of deeply damaging things. (This is called repentance.)

When repentance happens, then you truly have a chance to wake up. And as you stir in your sleep, you will begin to truly love your life because you have left society to spend your time to heal yourself.

I am a creature of habit and you probably are, too. So I do my duties in this world and the rest of the time, I am consciously in God’s presence. “Cleave a piece of wood and I am there.” Yep. I am with God right here and now. Sadly, most of the time I forget this. But God has His little reminders and for those I am grateful.

Vicki Woodyard