The writing that I do arises in the moment of my fingers hitting the keys. I never have an idea what the essay will be about. I just let myself begin with a few words and from there an essay is born.
Today’s essay is about near-death experiences. I have never had one, but the reports of them seem real to me. Oddly enough, we are all leading near-death lives. What I mean by that is that once we are born, we begin to die.
Death has disfigured my life twice and the only comfort I had was writing. I knew it was my forte and I used to think I could make progress as a writer. I was wrong about that. I was not destined to be known; I much preferred living in an unknown simplicity.
I almost died once from a hemorrhaging uterus; in the hospital a nurse came and sat by my bedside when I told her I feared going to sleep because I might die. I underwent a hysterectomy and had several units of blood before I was stable.
The nurse told me that she had a sense that someone was going to be needing her so she was working an extra shift in order to sit by me and make sure I didn’t get worse. After I returned home I caught the flu and I spent a month recuperating from that.
Now my life is simple and I often feel a sense of shame that I have made nothing of my life except these writings.
I don’t mind the isolation that my soul has chosen, but I often forget that it was a soul choice. Several people have seen a large angel with me but I have no awareness of it. A dear friend told me that I had chosen not to be in touch with the other side.
The writing arises from all of the knowledge that I ingested from reading hundreds of books on the subject of spirituality. I have no special skills connected with the other side.
Vicki is not much to brag about; she has been an underachiever out of her need to self-isolate.
On the other hand, she is able to let go of her inadequacy in order to type another essay. No essay is anything but words forming under my fingers. I know when an essay is finished and this one is open-ended for some reason. I breathe into the light and let myself know peace and I am still.
Vicki Woodyard