Whenever I consult my mind, I lose consciousness and become mechanical. To know this is pure gold. It has taken me a lifetime to assimilate even the most basic spiritual principles and this morning I decided to write even deeper than I have previously.

For one thing, neuropathy and tremor have slowed me down and that is giving me more and more time to go deep rather than go shallow. We go shallow when we cave into the weakness of our very own minds. Had I been stronger mentally, I would have not gone against my own inner knowing and attended a gathering which made me susceptible to a virus. I had to go into the hospital to get better. Four years later I had developed a tremor that would involve my entire body. It is not visible except when I move certain muscles; otherwise you would not know I have one. Tremors always get worse in time, so I know what my future holds.

I tell you this because being beset with this caused me to do some deep thinking. I did not want to attend that event because I was going out of town to visit my sister. I had my clothes hanging in readiness for the trip. But pressure was put on me to attend this gathering and help out. I was out of my comfort zone and vulnerable to the virus. Had I been able to say yes to myself and no to the person urging me to attend, I would not have gotten the tremor. My neurologist confirmed this, saying that the virus more than likely caused the tremor. He said this because he had treated many transplant patients who got a lot of viruses due to their low immune response. A lot of them developed tremors.

I have revisited what I did against myself that night many times over and now I see that my own consciousness is pure gold. No one can be my consciousness for me. This insight is also pure gold. I know what works for me and what doesn’t.

We deny our own knowing many times a day and it is serious business not to honor it.

The next time someone is forcing you to conform to what is against your own light, know that your power will be drained when you do it.

I studied with Vernon Howard and one of his favorite words was NO. I now understand that. I have no obligation to the world, which is sound asleep. As Jesus said, “Come out from among them.” Your own light, my own light, matters. Darkness is deep and the night is long, but hope arrives in the form of a YES to yourself, despite what others may be urging you to do. Your own consciousnesss is pure gold.

Vicki Woodyard