“The path of sorrow, and that path alone,
Leads to the land where sorrow is unknown.”
~William Cowper
If you are grieving, as I was, here is a tip that just occurred to me today. When I lost Bob, my husband of almost 38 years, I found that being meticulous in running the household without him gave me boundaries. I could not grieve while I was filling out forms, making grocery lists, cleaning house, etc. These tasks could not be put off, so I did them with due diligence.
This desire to cross every I and dot every T arose because my essence was kicking in, but on the mental level rather than the emotional one. My emotions were tapped out, so I tuned into logic and routine to tune out the grief for small periods of time.
I did the housework meticulously. I dusted, mopped and kept everything in apple-pie order. This was my new life and I begin to see that I alone was in charge and I did not want to be derelict in my duties. It felt like God had granted me power over what I could actually have power over and I did not want to be a slouch.
I continued to cry each day, but the periods in between grew longer. I felt good after I had dusted the great room, made my bed and tidied up the kitchen. I had lots of paperwork to do that arose in the wake of Bob’s death, and I did that well, too.
I still run a tight ship with plenty of time left over to write, watch TV and take care of my health. This will be my routine until I don’t have the strength to do it anymore and hopefully, that won’t be for a long time.
Love does not have to be kissy kissy or demonstrative; it is also doing what needs to be done. Vernon Howard’s school was run in that way, yet I was meticulous before I ever went there. I knew instinctively that messes just create more messes. When I visited there, I had no time to grieve because everything counted on me being attentive to the tasks at hand. I still am.
P.S.
In case you don’t know it, I am a Scorpio with Virgo rising and that means people don’t mess around with me. Ha ha ha (but true). I have never had a tendency to be fluffy or fancy; I just tell it like it is and that alone is enough to keep the wrong people away from me. What a frickin’ relief 🙂
Vicki Woodyard
Messes bother me fiercely. If (for any reason) I cannot straighten that mess, dust that dust or do whatever needs to be done to rid that mess is when I react mechanically with mild or severe depression. Depression is anger turned in on oneself. If I am conscious of this happening, then I can actually use the anger for energy to “clean up the mess!” Jesus was called the Man of Sorrows and has, had and always will have much understanding and compassion for those with sorrow — in other words, every last human being. Thank you, Vicki. Namaste.
Being neat or messy is not a choice but a compulsion in either case. My mother used to say to me, “For someone as neat as you, your drawers are a mess!” True dat….
I agree that either case is a compulsion! Your mother’s comment was funny — did you think it was funny when you were young?
Funny, not especially. She knew me very well. She said to me once, “You don’t know who you are.” And she was right. On the social level I always felt panic. She also told me that I made people feel intimidated by my presence.