During the course of a regular day, certain thoughts whirl around me, all connected to my life experience. I find myself thinking, “Bob has been gone almost 18 years. He has no idea what I look like now.” That’s a funny thought, but I look in the mirror and what I see is not so funny.
My latest skirmish with my ego involves around my hairdresser telling me that my hair is thinning out on top. The day I held up the hand mirror and regarded myself in the bathroom mirror, I saw what she was talking about and I freaked out! I have always had good hair and thought I had escaped my genetic inheritance. (My mother’s hair was almost non-existent by the time she was my age.)
I had an idea. I went on a FB neuropathy page and asked if anyone else had hair loss. One woman said she used a certain shampoo for body and I immediately ordered some. I have used it once and son of a gun if it doesn’t make you look like you have more hair.
A thought I have every day is that I have no social life. I wrote about this yesterday. I don’t want one and don’t miss one, yet my ego keeps reminding me that I am a loser in this aspect of my life.
Another thought reminds me that when I die, my son will be left with no other relative in town. That one really smarts.
In between these egocentric thoughts, I work on myself in the way that Vernon Howard taught his students. First of all, we are all experiencing life through our False Self (the ego). And secondly, it is a mechanical life destined to keep our sorry story going. Thirdly, if you can manage to remember this, your life will change. You will be happy you don’t have a social life and it doesn’t matter what you look like or what people think about you.
Any school of awakening that doesn’t show you that you are a machine with no will of your own is not worth its salt. Vernon knew this and rubbed our faces in it. As he would say, “only the tough stuff will do.”
And so my life lurches forward with one foot in my ego life and one foot in the higher world. There are simply no awakened people that do not forget who they are all day long.
I am a good writer and a disciplined one, mainly because I only write one essay at a time. I put these on the blog and return to my wool-gathering, silly little mind. It’s a good thing it isn’t real, huh?
Vicki Woodyard
Vicki,
Your first paragraph had me giggling! I might have to get the name of that shampoo from you…lol.
Social lives aren’t always what they’re cracked up to be. Some are energy sucking events. Some can be considered long distance correspondence where much is shared, such as ideas, thoughts, and love. And the most intimate relationship one can have is with oneself. Where simplicity is at its finest and silence whispers to your heart.
Much love and gratitude Vicki.
We truly are living in both worlds at the same time, ever since we left the Garden.