For me, it has been “a white turnip of a Sunday,” to coin a phrase of Tom Robbins. Too much time on my hands and too little to fill the hours. I relaxed in front of a stream of quotes found on YouTube. The quote that got my interest was about when a man has few friends; in fact, I listened for half an hour before it got to that one. If I remember it correctly, it says, “If a man has few friends, it is because he has experience.” That makes total sense to me, as I have been observing my life for decades now. I prefer the solitary state to human interaction and it’s a good thing, since I have so little these days. For a solitary like me, friendship is bought at the expense of what my life’s work is about. And my life’s work is about waking up.
You see, we are living in dreamland calling it the awakened state. I live there, so I am not talking about other people. I am talking about myself.
What is the experience that I have had about social interaction? It is that I have to forego my own highest interest in order to maintain relationship, for relationship is divided.
I had a relationship with my husband and it had its ups and downs. We were not mutually compatible except for a couple of things. We both loved truth…and the other thing escapes me. But he was sociable and I was not. I craved a daily relationship with him and for many years he put work before me. Yes, he was a workaholic.
After I had grieved him for years, I finally returned to my solitudinous life. I poured heart and soul into writing. This is my passion, not socializing with other lost people. Sounds harsh, doesn’t it? Maybe to you, but not to me.
I see clearly that Mother Earth is being destroyed by her inhabitants not putting her before their own selfish interests. She will not survive much longer, given man’s ignoring the signs of global warning.
So here I sit on a dying planet writing my heart out. It is my job and should I quit doing it, I would be the poorer. And so I write on, threatening to quit because so few read me, but it shouldn’t matter to the truth within whether I keep writing publicly or not.
So here is today’s essay. Put your heart into understanding it. I did.
Vicki Woodyard
Another fine piece Vicki.Thanks for your writings.
Dennis
Thanks for this important realization. Yesterday I wanted 2 hours of my time with a „friend“ who is obsessed about a fantasy about the future instead of waking up. And in the end was angry with me for not supporting her fantasy. Somehow I knew before I invited her for Tea that it was a mistake, but I didn’t listen to that inner voice. So — never again! I really learned a valuable lesson and what you are writing confirms it. Thank you for that. Bill
I know whereof you speak, Bill! (and I can’t correct wanted to wasted, but I can make good use of the error 🙂 We think we want things when deep down we don’t. The soul always knows better than the ego…
We have so much in common yet you are far more self-aware than I. You are conscious of why you are more of a loner. I was not.
You have been my very special gift for 9 years now. I’m certain I’m not alone in benefitting from your honest, insightful writing. You will never know the impact you’ve had on so many of us. 💛
This is one of the final lessons for me, anyway. To own your feelings about what social relationships do when you are on the pathway home. Mine have simply fallen away gradually. And I have found all of you!
Dearest Vicki,
I must mimic Mary a little; you have been a treasure in my life…more than you know. You are one of but a few that have helped open pathways in my mind to explore the mysteries that I know live inside of me. When I get to the point in my life when the busyness slows down, I wonder; will I remember who “I” am? Thank God Vicki that you’re inclined to share your gift with us.
The urge was thrust upon me by tragedy, as you know. These days I am seeing more clearly how easy it is for me to betray myself.
Not sure of the reasoning (because I started at 7 years old), but even more than communion, I loved giving my confession as we called it in the Catholic church. I must have consciously given myself a type of lifting of my burdens because I always felt so good after Confession. That lasted for a good forty years. I am no longer a Catholic, but my “talking” with God still makes me feel lighter in my soul. Your message was beautiful! Thank you very much.
The Church has its place, but most people interested in awakening leave at some point. They want the spirit rather than the letter, I guess.