Life is about coming clean with God, although most of us are incapable of doing that. I don’t know who or what God is, but I do know that honest people are always hiding something! You see, honesty does not mean capability! And the ego doesn’t know anything but dissembling to itself and therefore to the world and to God. Let that sink in.
We lie because that is the way the ego works. It is formed with a desire to dissemble. This began with the fig leaves way back when. Now we wear expensive clothes and jewelry to lie about who we are. We want to be seen in a certain way and there is no blame in this. It is just something that we should realize.
Take me. As a writer I want to be seen as credible, and I am for the most part. At the same time, I want to be recognized as a good writer, which I not always am. Think of ways in which you like to present yourself as something you not always are. A good parent or a good partner, a good friend or a good citizen, the list is long. There is no fault here; it is just how we are made.
The pain inside is raining down on us, whether it be a gentle spring one or one with frozen pellets of shame.
I recently realized that I am an avoider. Too much pain with too little payoff for me to lie about enjoying socializing. Now it has come down to my being honest about this fact. I prefer remaining at home alone. This also comes down to whether I really want to continue writing regularly or not. My readers are so few and frankly, it does not justify my continuing to write as voluminously as I used to.
I know the truth and it is never a pleasant thing. The word “pleasant” is too weak a word to use. Apple pie is pleasant; getting real is not. Getting real means you share your pain and that is not a social thing.
If there are any of you out there that find my writing meaningful, let me know. Write me an email at vw9633@gmail.com or leave a comment on the blog. Take the time to convey how you feel if I let go of writing regularly. It is a task I do not take lightly. The words flow out easily if I am in the stream of consciousness. Now I am asking myself what God would have me do. I am also asking my readers. Some of you know me intimately, but most do not. Most are content to read me without any involvement on your part. You know who you are; you never donate or comment and that is not exactly fair to me, the writer. Then I become just one more item on a long list in what you read online. I no longer want it to be that way. Life is too short to dissemble or let the truth roll off of your back. The truth demands participation.
Vicki Woodyard
You are correct as usual. The only genuine thing about us is who we are. The rest is mere window dressing.
I would say write if you are moved to write; writing with the hope or expectation of recognition or reward will bring its own pain, so pain is still part of the path. Do you want more (self-inflicted) pain?
At some point, it’s up to your readers to be inspired enough by what they read to write their own blogs, tell their own truths, and go further down their own paths. Or maybe they will find from reading your words that sitting quietly in their rooms is what they need to do.
I also think that, as an introvert, you probably have introverts reading your blog and introverts don’t like to stick their necks out!
Hi Vicki, as a relative new comer to your writing I can tell you I appreciate your pieces. Some hit me harder than others. That’s to be expected. I would miss your notes but I understand where your coming from. If it is time to lay aside your pen, if that is how it appears to your Self then so be it. As my final word, I would concur with the comments from “brow study.”.
Dennis
p.s. Sometimes autocorrect drives me to distraction. In my comment the name I was referring to was “brownstudy.”
Dear Vicki,
Your writing is very meaningful to me. It inspires me in countless ways. I value and treasure the hard won wisdom you graciously impart and I know you will decide what is ultimately best for you. Some random insight will come your way to help with your decision and you’ll know it when it presents itself.
It’s human nature to want to be aknowledged and valued….it’s one part of our makeup, not the sum total of our being. As time flows past us, our self perceptions change and morph. We are never static in any way.
Trust your gut as they say and move forward in the manner that is right for you. All is well.
Tami