This morning heaviness slowly lifting as I take time to love and forgive myself….

It is a gray spring morning towards the end of May. My brother has made his decision to enter hospice. His best friend from high school is with him daily now and that is a beautiful thing. My sister was able to drive to Memphis and be with him for a couple of days as well. That was a beautiful thing, too.

Some of you may remember that my brother and I emailed almost daily for three years. We talked a lot about our childhood and how it was a mixture of real love, but also real emotional damage done by a father who was addicted to prescription meds. Anyway, my brother got too weak to email and the relationship rebuilt on email is now in silence. As you know, silence is the greatest healer of all. We give it all over to something bigger than ourselves.

I see my neurologist today and then Rob and I will have lunch somewhere. Since I have quit driving, eating out is a great pleasure.

I am going through some of my old files and and organizing them. Most of what I write holds up, thank God for that. Here are a few lines that I can share with you today:

You will come to this place one day where everything is so complicated that you say ‘uncle’ to all of it. Then the space becomes who you are, rather than the mind trying to figure it all out.

I emptied out the pockets of my mind. Lots of lint, little content.

All is lost only that all can be found on a higher level.

And this one, not mine. ~ Hew Len: “God is not a concierge.”

Bits and pieces of the truth are enough. No one is required to memorize anything and that is also a good thing.

Vicki Woodyard