Dividing yourself into two is a teaching put forth by Gurdjieff and taught in the Work. We think we behave coherently and that most of the time we are right. Not! All you have to do is begin to witness what you are actually like. This is not easy because of our inherent mechanicalness.

Behind the mechanicalness is pure presence, the Witness of the ego’s behavior. We all know this, but actual practicing uses up our vital energy very quickly. Energy is what runs the show and we spend it like a drunken sailor. Then we wonder why we are tired all the time.

It takes a lifetime to become convinced that we are sleepwalkers. We like to think that we are jolly good fellows and on the way to enlightenment. After all, we have read the books!

Those that make it out of hell have written books or had books written about them, but the mind devours them and goes right back to the hell of their mechanical life. As I type this, people are rebelling against the truth because it hurts.

Vernon Howard put us in a world of hurt so we could not deny how deeply wounded we were. Those of us that knew he spoke the truth were grateful that we found him. The price we paid was the denial of how much pain we were in. He put a sign over the door that read, “When the pain gets too bad, come back.”

I write these words to you in a state of pain and remorse. Repentance is on the menu, but I keep forgetting. What reminds me is how much pain I am in.

These days my work in the world is mostly over and I have oodles and beaucoup of silence. The Self is showing through the edges of the ego and I am, oh so grateful.

I write the same things again and again and again. The message must be delivered by many mouths and many hands because it is so vital. You are not your ego and you are never condemned to hell. You are the Self in all beings. You are the Christ Consciousness. You are the True You.

Vicki Woodyard