Life is, at its root, unknowable and mysterious. Oh, we can know how human beings operate, or try to operate, but we cannot solve all mysteries. So we live precariously from moment to moment.
I experienced the the mystery of giving birth to a child that would die of cancer at age seven. I was plunged into darkness for at least a decade. She lived a mere three years after she was diagnosed with rhabdomyosarcoma, a fancy name for a solid tumor in a large muscle in her leg.
Stringent chemotherapy was on the menu. Lots of vomiting, lots of low white counts and isolation because of it. The whole time there would be intervals when she was happy. She excelled in kindergarten and was overjoyed to start first grade. Alas, she was not to finish it because the cancer had returned, this time to her lungs. It would kill her that summer.
Our household was down to three. We got a dog and that distracted us for moments but not for very long. The three of us left were quiet. Now, over forty years later, her father has died of the same disease. Rob and I live alone in a big old cedar-sided house. We should move, but something keeps me here in the silence and solitude. These words arise from the landscape of my life.
Vernon Howard moved me into a new landscape, that of esoteric spirituality. He spoke often of the truth. I was told later that when he used the word, he was speaking of the Christ Consciousness.
To live in his landscape was to continue to know suffering, but we were told how to experience it consciously. How is that, you may ask. Well, Christ died conscious. He didn’t resist it, for he knew about the very root and ground of being, and that is who we are. We are essence itself.
I hope my notes nudge you just a little bit to suffer consciously. Forget the new age claptrap; that is Spirituality for Dummies. No, we are seeking the truth and when we find it, the inner landscape changes. Now we can traverse it consciously, knowingly. What we find will distance us from everyday life and from wanting anything from it. Consider that a miracle in itself.
Vicki Woodyard
Hi Vicki, no one could ever say that you don’t write from the centre or core of the fire. Your words ring true. I think because you truly know the meaning of the word “suffering”. May you continue to live and experience “Christ Consciousness.”
Dennis
Thank you, my friend.
Yes, yes! It is a miracle when we distance ourselves from every day life and realize we want NOTHING from it. If we don’t accept this wisdom and truth, our every day life is miserable, terrible, and frightening because that is actually our interior life. When we see that it’s first inside, and we don’t attach ourselves or identify ourselves in any manner, then we have “Let go and Let God.” Thank you, Vicki!
VH: The awareness of weakness is the same as strength.