We get what we want and that is seldom a good thing. We wanted this world to serve us; instead fire and flood are bearing down on us, all because we lost our sense of respect first for the world and then for each other.
As the world crumbles, families feel the anger of thunder and lightning. Everything is out of place. Yesterday I picked a fight with my son and I found myself hurling words at him that I deeply regret.
I am looking down the barrel of a body that is no longer subject to my commands. My hands shake when I try to turn pages or put on makeup; this will only get worse. I need to sell the house but don’t feel up to the task emotionally. I continue to put off looking for a place to live.
I am verbal by nature and my son isn’t, so he just sat there listening to me rant on and on. After I finally quieted down, we didn’t talk anymore. He went cycling last night and got caught in a storm. He is getting a haircut today and I plan to do nothing but recuperate emotionally.
I always wanted a happy family since my family of origin was not. Then our daughter died and much later, my husband did as well. That leaves Rob and I to cope. We have everything pared down to a minimum. We both enjoy silence and simplicity.
I have a bad taste on my tongue for dropping verbal bombs on my son. I pray for forgiveness and strength to accept my life just as it is. Not always possible or even healthy. My words erupted because I didn’t say things when I should have and they eventually burst out when I least suspected it. Mea culpa, mea culpa.
Vicki Woodyard
Oh Vicki you lost it. It happens to me too and I always regret it. Please see if you can forgive yourself. And manage some kind words for Rob.
Hi Bill, my sister just emailed and said it was because of the full moon. Makes sense. “You always hurt the ones you love,” as the old song goes. I choose to
forgive myself and I asked for my son’s forgiveness and he just smiled and said, “No need.” So I am human; I keep forgetting that.
Your reply to Bill was a wonderful epilogue for your essay. I felt so strongly you would let your son know that you were sorry. He smiled and said, “No need.” You were both human and divine simultaneously. That is life at its best. Namaste!
Life is a very hard school because we are so hard-headed!
Hey human Vicki,
Remember the corny line, “Love means never having to say I’m sorry”? The movie Love Story… Perhaps Rob understands you more than you understand yourself. I agree, forgive yourself. It doesn’t do any good to hold a self grudge. Is that a thing?🤷♀️. My husband was being a little jerk all day yesterday. He apologized and I forgave him last night. I occasionally find myself picking passive-aggressive fights with him as well. Yep, human. And your sister is probably on to something…that full moon!!
Hold on to today and don’t look too far down the road. Decisions mostly get made when the time is right.
Hope you have a serene day,
Tami
We understand each other, but we often don’t “get” each other. I vow to let go and let God for the rest of the day.
Excellent advise. I shall do the same.🌟