We are all deeply selfish; my own awareness tells me that. I put myself first, for if I didn’t, life would lose its flavor. It is only when we are deeply selfish that we can begin to live the life we were created to live.

I could have lived a life designed for selfless service on the human stage, but that is not what I love. I love a life lived truly for its own sake. I do not know how I came to this realization, probably from Vernon Howard. He would roar at his students to wake up and push hangers-on out of your life. Unconscious people feed on others for their emotional food.

I am not a big fan of nature, either. This life I am just happy being indoors at the keyboard of my Mac. I am older now and have lost the enthusiasm of youth; I no longer need to be read by the masses, for they demand appropriate content, in which I am not interested.

Best-sellers must appeal to a broad section of society and that is not what esoteric Christianity is about. Esoteric Christianity is about awakening from the dream. If you ask me what I mean by that, I am not even sure that I know. Knowing is the booby prize.

How do I manifest my deep selfishness? Just like you do, probably. I am happy inside my house, puttering around putting things to rights, washing, cleaning, cooking, watching TV and being online. Deep selfishness leads to deep simplicity. I become a little child again. I no longer have to go to PTA meetings or cookouts, etc. I don’t mind eating alone at all.

I like to go to bed early. This suits me; it always has. I have trouble sleeping and that is not likely to change any time soon. I have read all the books on awakening, but I appreciate a good night’s sleep even more.

All of the non-dual forums have run dry for me. I prefer my wisdom straight up. I have put the intellectual teachings in the trash on my screen and now I am happy to just be myself with nothing to do and no place to go. Sounds like heaven to me!

Vicki Woodyard