From the time I had my first panic attack in puberty, I have never known social ease. I don’t know why this is, but I know that is the case. I can put on a show of social ease, but I do not have it, nor do I want it.
I sit in silence this Monday morning knowing that what Gurdjieff said is true: “Man cannot do.” We think ourselves silly looking for inner healing. It can only be had by giving up and we cannot even give up. Frankly, we are all boxed into a corner.
How do you live your life if you have no power? I live mine by drinking in the silence in the morning. Later on in the day, I will have forgotten how important the silence is.
You can return to silence anytime you remember yourself. This lifts you up above the inner and outer chaos.
There are no neat solutions to this messy life. The mess must be seen as a mystery; we cannot clean it up.
I write essays that flow from the heart; a heart that is bruised with sorrow. Out of that sorrow God ministers to those with ears to hear. The tick tock of the clock has nothing to do with you.
Yes Vicki,
Life is so very messy, if you occasionally pull back the curtain to look. It’s so easy to live in the illusion…to live outside and never go in, but sometimes it’s very cold outside. Go in and warm up by the fire of your heart.
And yes, your sorrow bruised heart dear Vicki has opened up other hearts to God’s blessings and balm. I, myself for one. To this, I say thank you❤.
Tami
I sit in the silence of not knowing and it is clear to me that “Of mine own self, I can do nothing.” Gurdjieff: “Man cannot do.” This is esoteric Christianity in a nutshell.
You said we are all boxed into a corner. That really resonated with me.
“Of mine own self, I can do nothing” can really be of such immense help to us when we add the additional remembrance .”It is the Father that does the work.” We do thank you (from the depths of our souls and hearts) for your writings, Vicki. They are wonderful balms to our souls.
It is our daily bread!