A Lifelong Mystery

I am a lifelong mystery to myself. I know most of my flaws but have not been able to change them except for a short time; then they reappear.

I long to know God and have learned that He is within me. He is the greatest mystery. Why does He allow me to do wrong when I prefer doing right?

I would say that I have devoted my life to God but that would be a lie; I pray He has devoted His life to me.

I suffer over stupid things every day. I shrink from confessing my sins and I absolutely suck at being unafraid. I am afraid.

Somehow I manage to study my life while the whole time it is breaking down.

Sometimes I know that my writing reaches people but not more than a handful. That is because I write the truth even when it hurts.

I isolate myself from people and they isolate themselves from me.

I carry the light; I know that, and yet I can’t make it work for me.

My journey is through the terrible darkness; I guess that’s why I am here.

Light only knows itself; therefore, I cannot say anything real about it.

Vicki Woodyard