Everything is designed to fail me so that I can stop expecting success from the world. Didn’t Jesus tell his disciples that He had overcome the world? In Vernon Howard’s writings and talks, he was ruthless in showing his students that.

After the death of my child, I began searching for answers, as to be expected from a seeker like me. I could have no more gone to church than to a bar, so I was led to Vernon and his rigorous approach to truth.

Although he offered no comfort or refuge from his personality (it was terrifying), he only spoke of God, Truth, Reality (the trinity) in his compelling stories told from his beat-up old desk.

At home, I focused on his talks, hoping that sooner or later, I would know the truth that would set me free. But which self could achieve this?

I feel the silence as I stop and read the four previous paragraphs. Back then, I had no real idea of why I been called to study truth. I only knew how broken I was and how stubborn I was in my search for water in the wilderness of this world.

Now the silence is everywhere, including my mind and heart. “Be still and know that I am God.”

No one gets out of this world alive; that is painfully obvious to the human race. Knowing this on a subconscious level, but not a conscious one, we groom ourselves like chimpanzees and flash brilliant grins at other condemned members of our species. None of it works to dissolve the heartache.

I knew heartache well. Now much of it has been supplanted by spiritual wisdom. Vernon knew this and he resisted any human impulse he had to make us love him, per se. No, it was the love of truth that now soaked my every waking hour. I was hooked.

Go back and study the four Gospels until you realize the truth in them that will set you free. Vernon Howard is gone but the truth can never die, nor can you. Love is the key that will set you free. Hallelujah.

Vicki Woodyard