The sharing of my life story and my journey on the inner way was inevitable, since writing unrolls across the page so easily when I am at the keyboard. I have logged millions of words at this point. Just now, just NOW, I am finding readers that know what I am about. That is because I know what they are about.
I had to slog through the arid wasteland of non-duality and reach the shore of where I truly belong. If you ask where that is, I would just continue to type words on a blank page until I reached the end. I always know when I am done. This is not channeling, though. It is heart speaking to heart.
I just watched a YouTube video of an old black blues singer that had his work featured on the Grammies this year. He never plays in the same way twice. Like him, I weave in and out of a tapestry that is thread bare and ancient. Our ancestors had their own way of contributing and we have ours.
The heart is a messy cauldron of shame and glory. It is a place where the two oceans meet and one is lucky to discover that mysterious point even once in a lifetime. I have been intrigued by the possibility of going deeper into that mystery. Those that have been there do not speak of it often, if at all.
I had trouble falling asleep last night. It took 2 Leonard Cohen CDs and a lot of tossing and turning before the peace of sleep came to me. Now, on this Sunday morning, I realize that writing is my ticket to the unknown and so I keep on unfurling the words.
The ultimate problem is our forgetfulness and the ultimate solution is to know this. Paradox always points to where the two oceans meet.
I know all about you and your hidden shame because I know all about mine. It is the ego’s job to cover over this shame and the job of consciousness to reveal it. Vernon Howard’s talks were sledgehammers to the hardened soul. Knowing this, I willingly submitted to the process. It is alchemical and astonishingly difficult to remember even one thing. So we can start at how miserable we are and how little we know. Selah.
Vicki Woodyard
The ego is fighting in an uproar all the time — no wonder we are so miserable. Ego makes it very difficult for so many of us to admit we are miserable. Some of my ego’s immediate battle words are “Quit your complaining.” “You have nothing to complain about.” and “You really deserve much worse.” Despite the yelling of my ego, I admit that I am miserable and that I know very little (if anything). There is a very real calming of my soul and spirit in this admission. Thank you very much, Vicki.
It seems to be impossible to rid ourselves of ego; so somehow we must witness the yelling, as you call it, without doing anything but SEE and HEAR it. (It never goes away.)
My mother always told me to acknowledge that bullies exist and ignore them as much as possible. Then if you get fed up or they cross some shameless line, you confront them and defend yourself. I’m sure mom’s advice wouldn’t work on the ego, but it’s a “thought”.
Yes, there is a certain fierceness that can be call on, if lucky enough to remember it.
Yes, there is a certain fierceness that can be call on, if lucky enough to remember it.