We enter the spiritual life when we are forced to see how much we are suffering. Should we be lucky enough to find a true teacher, they will ask you to give up your suffering, which is the last thing that you want to do. You feel it is uniquely yours and of course, it isn’t.
The teacher now puts before you the chance to live an impersonal life, one that doesn’t belong to you. Vernon Howard was such a teacher. At home, I was wrapped tightly in my personal suffering, but when I entered the door to his school, I came under a different set of circumstances. Here was this man, this force of nature, that obliterated one’s personal sense once and for all. We, however, didn’t know that. How could we?
I was in my forties when I studied with Vernon and am now in my seventies. I have made little progress, I suppose. I still have to remind myself daily that the separate self is an illusion. Churches do not teach this; it must be learned outside of any institution.
We easily become calcified and a true teacher is able to break us of our bad habits. We all wanted to take the easy way out but he wouldn’t allow it. He set up situations where we had to see how strongly we defended our positions and how afraid we were of everything and everyone.
This morning and afternoon I forget all about my impersonal self as I struggled with my physical problems. After an early supper, I felt better and sat down to watch TV. For some reason, it dawned on me that even if I have no personal life, I most certainly have a universal one. What does this mean?
A universal life can turn to the Tao of things, or can sit back and let oneself be carried by the flow of the moment. It requires consciousness to do this and we quickly run out of the necessary energy to remain conscious. That is why we were told to work hard gathering energy. This is Step One on the pathway to universal consciousness. Anyone can do this; it is the way we begin to find our way home.
No matter what your personal conditions are, if you are ready for Truth, Truth is ready for you. And you will begin the One step, forward, two steps back dance of returning home. Maybe you will have to suffer a complete breakdown. Turn it into a break dance. Celebrate your small victories. Are you beginning to see that nothing is as satisfying as returning to your true nature? Then your true nature is waiting for you. Everything else is a lie.
Vicki Woodyard