I have found that studying the Work does not lend itself to socializing; perhaps the law of levels comes in here. Ultimately, it is a solitary affair between oneself and God, one of which will ultimately disappear.

I used to enjoy going to a cancer wellness group, which I discovered when Bob and I begin going together. We did art, studied our dreams, did exercises—lots of fun and creative things. After he died, I continued going for years. With the pandemic, I couldn’t go and now I don’t think I could drive that distance and back.

I am squarely in that place now where things become both simpler and more solitary. Rob is doing the grocery shopping and I enjoy that tremendously. The meals he cooks are always good and he takes the time to do recipes justice. My way is slapdash.

I will keep writing and making videos, as this gives me a creative outlet. I know my way around this keyboard so well. It is the one thing that I do effortlessly.

This morning I watched a few videos of Jimmy Fallon and Jimmy Kimmel. I sat here and laughed out loud. Humor is a saving grace for me.

As far as my biggest challenge, it is letting go of what my ego thinks I should do in order to keep a sense of respectability. I was brought up to care what other people thought of me. Now there are no other people, except online, and I still am far too respectable both there and in person. I have a strong personality and I have wished that it was gentler and kinder. What the ego wishes is poison for the soul.

It is not my ego that wrote “Life With a Hole in It” or “Bigger Than the Sky.” It was the bruising of my very soul that forged those two books. Anyone that reads them recognizes that.

For the most part, I am happy with my inner life as sustenance for my everyday life. All of you, I suspect, feel the very same way. The Soul is one with everything, while the ego is unhappy with everything. It should be an easy choice, but it never is. The ego has to be tamed over a lifetime of hurting other people in order to protect itself.

Once you get a glimpse of light, you forage through books and talks, hoping to get the final piece of the puzzle. It never comes. It can’t. The ego can only briefly disappear; then it pops up again. But you recognize it by its shame and blame and vow to go deeper into the silence. Ultimately, the silence reveals itself as the Soul you truly are.

Vicki Woodyard