Some of us are attracted to esoteric Christianity because the world has failed us. The world fails everyone, but most people sleep through their lives. These are the church people, the do-gooders, the “I love anything and everything” people. And none of them will wake up, because waking up is an intentional act one does out of sheer desperation. Christ had to hang on the cross, after all. This was a teaching lesson known only to the few.

Vernon Howard used to say that only a handful had the necessary energy to awaken and there was no guarantee that they would. He treated his students as unlikely prospects, which begs the question, “Why?” Why did he choose this way to teach? If you had to ask, you were unready to study with him. He had living water that he doled out in bucketfuls to the few.

I connected with him by finding a tape put out by New Dimensions Radio, a non-defunct station in California. I recognized his voice as being one that I wanted to hear. Meanwhile, my late husband and I each found copies of his books. The scene was set. I would travel to see Vernon Howard as soon as possible.

I am still on the journey that I began when I was in my forties. Now I am in my seventies. I have learned but a little about how hard it is to stay awake for even 3 minutes. Until you try to break your state of sleep, you won’t understand how hard it is. The mind can be used for practical purposes, but not for waking up.

Go back and read the Book of John. Read it slowly and consciously. The secret of new life is contained in it. Jesus was not teaching to the masses. The masses had no interest in following his teachings. Neither do the masses that walk the earth today. Never forget; these teachings are for the few. This is not being elitist; it is being a truth-teller.

The Work is done in secrecy and silence and is always rewarded. To speak personally, my reward generally comes as I quiet my mind and relax my body. I know that during each day I will get lost in tension, as that is how the worldly mind gets its false food. I have to bring myself back to the still point dozens of times each day. As Vernon Howard said, “You will always get your spiritual gold.” Selah.

Vicki Woodyard