This is my house. The three of us— my husband, son and I, moved here two years after my little daughter’s death. We were still shell-shocked with grief. It is a cedar house, marred constantly by bird holes and squirrel damage. Nothing to do but pay people to fix the holes.
In 1984 a tornado uprooted most of the pine and poplar trees in the back yard. I was in Memphis visiting my mother because it was Mother’s Day. Bob called me with the news. We had to have the roof and skylights replaced. Keeping the yard up is costly because it is big. The deck has no steps down to the backyard, so we have never gone in there. Erosion has laid it bare and now moss grows instead of trees.
The house is accidentally long on the kitchen side. The builder misread the blueprints by 8 feet. That makes the kitchen too long, as well as the two bedrooms upstairs. I went through years trying to fill up the space but now I have begin to let the space be what it is…space!
About eight years ago I had the kitchen and bedrooms and great room painted. I bought a head board I just love. It is apple green and I have a blue bedspread that is so beautiful. I wanted the bed to look like ocean. The bedroom has a fireplace and on it is an old growth Ming Aralia that is amazing.
At this point I dread the task of downsizing, but I am doing it bit by bit. I want to be ready when the time comes to leave the old house in someone else’s care. Cedar houses are not in vogue; neither are big lots that require lots of care. Just two weeks ago, someone came and put out loads of pine straw around our trees to keep the weeds down and make the yard look nice. I used to have a company spray for weeds, but I quit that and now let the weeds be there. They get mowed regularly so they are quite expensive ones.
The old house is ideal for social distancing and it has afforded me much comfort. I live here with one foot out the door, though. Everything is done with an eye on moving when the time is right. But the virus has thrown everything and everyone for a loop. I feel that our country will not be the same when the virus is over. And we may be in it for two years or more.
I have not eaten out a single time. We did drive through twice after I went to the dentist and doctor. Since Rob shops, I get all excited when he comes in from the grocery. I give him a list and tell him to throw anything else he wants into the buggy. Last night he made chili and I had seconds.
So I will close this essay with my first sentence. “This is my house.” But it isn’t really!
“Spiritual Student! Rejoice as the outer building tumbles down, for the inner Temple is to be revealed. The mind of the individual seeking help is the Christ-mind –awaiting recognition. The man who has his being “in Christ” finds his capacities and abilities in Soul –not in the brain, body, or muscle.”
― Joel S. Goldsmith, The Infinite Way
Vicki Woodyard