You don’t do yourself any favors by comparing yourself to spiritual teachers and saying, “Why can’t I get rid of myself like they say they did?”

I would love to get rid of various Vicki’s and strangely, they are the very ones I cannot shake! I listened to Tolle on YouTube yesterday and he is totally convincing and also totally s.l.o.w. in his delivery. He had me a bit sedated and bored at the same time.

Don’t get me wrong; the man is sincere and very rich. His cadence is sincere; it is who he is. But his DNA is different from mine. And that is the problem with looking to any spiritual teacher. DNA has you locked into certain ways of being.

At this time in my life, I have covered all the basic points of spirituality many times over and done my best to change. But guess what? I remain the same. Parts of me good and parts of me bad.

There is one thing I can do, however, and that is sit in silence as often as possible. Anyone can do that. But doing that does not change anything much. It may just be God’s way of getting some rest himself! He must be up there muttering, “These so-called spiritual people are yammering at me all day long to change them. I wish I could. Danged DNA! I forgot that when I was creating them.”

I have been a perfectionist all my life. Nothing I can do about it. People look at me and think, “She’s got it made.” But I don’t. My grief can still take me by the ankles and shake me up until I can’t make a decision about anything. Yet I still have every hair in place. It is humorous how that works. And worry—I can’t stop. That doesn’t make me a bad person; it just makes me a worry wart.

So here I am, growing older like everyone else, needing to change but not being able to. Every hair on my head is not only combed, it is numbered. I need to let the idea of changing myself go.

These are my words today. Selah and see ya!