I get up before daylight and have my usual bowl of instant oatmeal and a cup of tea. It is in these early hours that I realize I was born alone and I will die alone. I am like a paper doll with different outfits to put on. I loved paper dolls when I was growing up. I remember my mother cutting the clothes out for me. She would always refuse to cut out all of the tabs. Instead, she just cut out the upper ones.

I would watch her cutting the paper dolls and happily anticipate playing with them. What I loved most was sorting the clothes into different piles. Nighties, daytime, dressy, etc. I once got a book with French women in black lace underwear. They were beautiful. They had long gowns to wear in luxurious patterns. Ooh la la. And I also loved the paper dolls that were babies.

But we are not paper dolls, are we?

If I were a paper doll, I would be wearing slacks with an elastic waistband and comfortable shoes. That is what I have come too! Comfort is everything.

I love the solitude of pre-daybreak. I know my readers like the back of my hand. How do I know them? By their honesty and lack of pretense. They have seen through the act of the ego and truly want nothing more than to return to their natural state.

So what is the natural state? For me, it is when I can honestly admit that I worry about not having friends and yet I am not willing to sell myself to have them. That is what studying with a true teacher does for you. They take away all the props. They encourage you to sit alone in your room.

I find that esoteric Christianity is the key that opens the doorway back Home.

The words of Jesus, timeless and timely, bear fruit that I can eat all day long. Each word of His pours balm into my wounded soul. “In my father’s house are many mansions.” And he is not talking to paper dolls but to those of us that have ears to hear. All we are asked to do is listen.

Vicki Woodyard