I have a new normal, one that will have to deal with anxiety and depression and physical pain. Hard to focus on anything but my body these days. This neuropathy has been going undiagnosed for a long time. I noticed that my belly was bigger and sometimes my stomach was upset. I knew I had slight chills now and then when I had no reason to. And the numbness in my feet was slight.

I told my doctor about this in March and she did one test and wrote on my chart that I had paresthesias, which is numbness. She should have referred me to a neurologist, but she didn’t. She just notated on my chart! A few months went by and I decided to see a podiatrist. She did 2 tests and promptly diagnosed me with neuropathy. She sent me home with a prescription and said to come back in a month.

So I tried the prescription now and then and finally went back to my doctor. I told her about seeing the podiatrist and she gave me some samples of Lyrica and said if they helped, to call and she would write a prescription for me.

Now weeks have gone by. I made an appointment with a neurologist but it is not until the end of June. In the meantime, I have been treating myself. I eliminated the Lyrica and am taking the med I was given by the foot doctor. My feet are rapidly becoming more and more numb. I have nights when my whole body is on fire and I cannot sleep. The med seems to have helped that some.

You must understand that I am basically alone. My son listens as I talk about what is going on with me and I know it scares him. Remember that day I collapsed on the deck? No fun at all.

Where does spirituality come into the picture? The answer is that when I can remember to work on myself, I do. At other times I am lost in this weird new body that does not behave like it used to. I am told that having neuropathy almost guarantees depression. I see why. I see why.

So that’s it from here at 6:04 on a Sunday morning. Incidentally the day of my daughter’s birth. It has been so long now that she is only a dream.

Vicki Woodyard