I am entering a new phase of my life, learning to live with neuropathy. I have seen my doctor and then a podiatrist. Each has had me try a medication for the burning nerve pain that keeps me from sleeping, as that is when the pain occurs. I took a pill I hadn’t tried and it did allow me to fall asleep but not before giving me palpitations. Yesterday I couldn’t go to the grocery because I was too sedated to drive.

This is happening to the body but not to me. As I ponder the words in Revelation, “I am the Alpha and the Omega,” I know that this is who I am essentially. But the human part of me suffers as the nerves in the body misfire and cause pain. I am no longer someone who has no health challenges. I am being affected by this condition that is not curable. Symptomatic relief is the goal.

I see a neurologist, but not until the end of June. In the meantime, my mind is whirling with thoughts of how to get symptomatic relief. Neuropathy takes a toll psychologically, as it interrupts your sleep and causes depression.

The heat wave has kept me in as well. I look forward to getting out of the house as much as I can. As the body entwines with the mind and the spirit, it is often hard to sort out which is which. I see myself feeling hopeless since there is no cure for damaged nerves, but that won’t help at all.

What helps is when I can muster up the realization that I am pure awareness. That it is perfectly okay to feel weak and vulnerable emotionally. This condition affects everything I do, but it is invisible.

Bob had bad neuropathy from chemo he took, but oddly, he never had the burning pain. He got so he had trouble walking, as it affected his balance.

I had a dream about a black dog, jumping repeatedly to reach me. This neuropathy is it.

Vicki Woodyard