I am waked in the night by the burning in my feet. It spreads up my whole body, but to a lesser extent. I want to run but there is no place to hide. As I type, my hands feel slightly numb and I have chills. This seems to be my new normal. How can I stay in the body consciously when I want to flee from it to escape the pain?

It is 2:45 and I took an analgesic and had some tea and cookies. I fear going back to bed because that is when the nerve pain wakes me up. I have an appointment with a neurologist but it is not for weeks. I need to get a plan for living with this new me. I feel much better during the day. Today I even dared think maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, but it is worse! Neuropathy is a bitch!

There is no cure for it, unfortunately. I saw a podiatrist a few weeks ago and she diagnosed neuropathy and gave me some pills but they spaced me out. I realized I need a neurologist since the nerve pain is not confined to my feet. Suddenly I realize this is my latest test.

Rob is up watching TV in the kitchen. He always worked nights and when he stopped working he found he could only sleep well during the day. So our schedules are totally opposite. When he realizes I am going to be up for a while, he goes upstairs. We don’t talk; at this time of night, that would just be an energy loss for both of us.

Life throws us curve balls and this is my latest one. What dismays me is that there is no cure, just getting used to the pain. I made an appointment for acupuncture, which I read can offer some pain relief. I look forward to that.

This is part of my inner journey, which is why I am writing about it. Body, mind and spirit all affected by this evil entity that has grabbed hold of me. I didn’t see it coming, but there would have been no place to hide from it anyway.

I have sent an email to Theo and asked him to send me some energy. He has told me to try to stop thinking and just be. Hard to do in the middle of the night when your body is on fire. Hallelujah is always in order, of course. By the time the sun comes up, I will feel better as far as the pain. I have chills from time to time; I have no idea why. Life goes on and daytime seems to remove the symptoms. I’ll keep you posted. In the meantime, I continue to write about the Way. It can be walked regardless of how one feels.

Vicki Woodyard