I had the grace of a teacher that scared the wits out of people. His name was Vernon Howard. He knew that living by one’s wits perpetuates the suffering. So he undermined the mind. “Use it for practical purposes only,” he would say. To cook the rice, to repair the roof.” But the mind has to go and under his guidance he forced us to suffer consciously.

Oh, it was hard sitting on those cold folding chairs listening to him rant. He seemed to be a madman in full control. Fascinated, I had found, had been led to this lion in the desert. I never doubted him, but under his tutelage, I learned to doubt myself.

He gave a talk once in which a man tried to get off of an island but all exits were blocked. He was showing us how useless thinking in order to escape is.

I am still learning from Vernon although I know longer listen to tapes or read his books. He is inside; he is me; I am him. We are all Everyman. And he spoke to every man or woman that ever lived. “Straight is the way and narrow is the gate and few there be that enter in.”

He spoke of the Christ Consciousness but he never used those words. We had to figure it out ourselves. His was a pure teaching embedded in threats and urgings to wake up. And he would thunder, “None of you have gotten it!” And he was right. His students were suffering so much that they could recognize the truth when he delivered it.

In my own way I deliver the truth in these essays. Only by truth will you be able to come to love. It is a difficult task to be a true human being. Only the few will succeed. All the disciples slept at the end. His death was too much for them to bear consciously. But he knew this and forgave them well ahead of time.

You see, we are all living under the same conditions and no one is exempt from the hard teachings. Oh, you can try to follow easier ones, but you will fall by the wayside time and again. Good thing time is an illusion and that we are too! Grace is all we’ve got and Vernon knew that.

Vicki Woodyard