The world is irretrievably broken. As Vernon Howard told his students, “As long as you want anything from the world, you are going to get mauled by it.”

It has taken me decades to get even a glimmer of the gold hidden in that sentence. And in that case, a sentence you are unable to understand becomes a sentence for the soul. It will be living in a worldly prison trying in vain to break out.

The mica of the mind looks like gold. It isn’t.

I had my heart broken by book publishers for various different reasons. I had to give up and understand what Vernon’s sentence meant to me personally.

I have two books that are pure gold sold by businesses who turn gold into mica. This happens to small-time writers daily.

I have gotten the run-around and the payments under five dollars for royalties.

I can no longer stomach trying to sell anything that I write.

Facebook is a joke and my blog that once stood proud, is now lost on Word Press and not even recognized by search engines. If I don’t post something new, no stranger visits because they are not able to find it.

So here I am, saying the broken Hallelujah, per Leonard Cohen.

I play his music as I fall asleep at night. He knew, as Vernon Howard knew, that a crucifixion is absolutely necessary if you want to experience the resurrection into peace.

And so the crucifixion is still happening, as is the rebirth into new possibilities untainted by the worldly mind.

I no longer crave the world and yet I am still caught up in its honeyed promises that don’t deliver.

Forgive me for this rant, especially if you don’t have ears to hear. And if you do, you are also saying the broken hallelujah. All is well.

Vicki Woodyard