Spring is so beautiful that I have not written much lately. The tender greens outside are seen within the heart as well. I am grateful for the father-son team that tends my lawn. The mother died of pancreatic cancer in December and I know spring is painful for them.

I page through an old notebook I begin writing in in 2017 and I find that what I wrote has not borne much fruit. Things “happen.” They seldom go as planned. It is the same for blessings. They too, happen, and we sleep right through them.

It is a terrible burden to be happy because we have so many reasons for not being so. I always remember an anecdote I read. In it, a guru tells his student that he only wants him to be happy. And the student feels unready to feel such a positive emotion. So he does what he can. He goes out to breakfast and has a wonderful croissant. Then he finds it to be so good that he allows himself to go to another cafe and have another. And a third! In this way he is tending to his own happiness.

I enjoy the occasional lunch out alone. I eat slowly. I look around at the other diners and I feel proud of myself for making the effort. For it is much easier to sit at home with a peanut butter sandwich. And that is what I usually do.

My insomnia is now a permanent condition, or so it would seem. I must need very little sleep. I often wake up before dawn and eat a bowl of oatmeal and then go back to bed. If I am lucky, I sleep a few more hours.

The painter has disappeared after I paid him for the initial job. I called to let him know he needed to come back and do more work, thus he is avoiding me. C’est la vie.

Well, that is the news from here. I have a doctor’s appointment next Monday and I am trying to lose a pound or two. Wish me luck with that!

I haven’t said much of a spiritual nature. Shall I throw out an old one-liner of mine? “Straight is the way and narrow is the gate and the ego is a double-wide!” And maybe my hips are, too.

Vicki Woodyard
P.S. That is a photo of the Japanese Maple in my side yard.