It is a gray February Sunday and I have nothing to do. I seem to have finished most of my earthly tasks. They were so long and hard that I don’t feel guilty about just sitting in silence.
Like many of you, I pursued the idea of enlightenment. Thousands and thousands of hours spent in searching for it. I looked everywhere, in books, in recordings, in my thoughts, online, etc.
Now I have come to the conclusion that enlightenment cannot be found by the one looking for it. If that were the case, I would be enlightened.
And yet I still search and write and sit in silence, wondering why so many claim to be enlightened. Did I just not search hard enough or long enough? Was I just not enlightenment material?
I do believe that the Work begin by G. I. Gurdjieff is something to sink your teeth into. Vernon Howard seemed to teach a conglomeration of the Work plus other methods.
Joel Goldsmith seemed to understand things that most people did not.
Ramana Maharshi had a piece of it, as did Nisagardatta.
But I cannot say with any certainty at all about what enlightenment is or who has been able to attain it.
I must disregard all recorded interviews with so-called enlightened beings, as well as their books. They seem overly explanatory and intellectual and therefore boring.
I have had some interaction with these online gurus and they can be quite arrogant to the point of cruelty.
I am not interested in organized teachings of any kind.
I do see a Peruvian shaman twice a year. He lifted a good deal of my grief and I love him on a very deep level. He has never tried to enlightenment me. He seems to genuinely like me, but more than that, I cannot say.
I have been told by a few people that I am very powerful and that appeals to my ego-nature. But it is not something I have any control over.
I find myself surprisingly dedicated to the search for truth and honest to a fault.
It just seems it is time for me to let up on the chase, on the seeking, on the fulfillment of a fantasy.
I believe that there is a loving God within and without us. More than that, I cannot say.
Vicki Woodyard
It seems strange yet appropriate–the content of today’s post. You are not the kind of person who would proclaim Enlightenment even if it landed on your head like a golden crown. Yours has been a crown of thorns in life, yet you’ve taken that and woven it into so many words of encouragement and comfort, of honest and pure intent. that they all point to only one thing. Call it Love if you want, and it’s the Impersonal Love of the Absolute that generates your commentary, and to those of us who follow your song, it’s a guiding star in the dark night sky. There is no need of so-called Enlightenment, just the sharing of yourself, and perhaps the knowledge there are others in the human family that are glad you do, and so much the better for it. What more can a person do for others, than work (write) in the service of Truth? You are certainly guilty if that is the charge, and it makes for a beautiful life, illusiory as it may be in the final analysis.
It is lovely to be appreciated, Michael, thank you so much.