What could it mean for us to turn our lives over to God? Not in a churchy way you learned when you went to Sunday School, but in a way that suited you today? Today with its scenario of our compulsively electronic lives and our regimented ways of seeking relief.

Speaking personally, my wounds have been too deep for me to ignore. I had to find a stretcher for myself, administer medical aid and leave the battle scene. This took years of plodding through mounds of bureaucratic inner paperwork. I felt I had to do everything right instead of allowing myself to enjoy this medical leave. And when I say medical, I mean the medicine of spirit I dosed myself with.

Slowly but surely I have piled up frequent flyer points of the spirit. I do this by sitting in my chair and going nowhere but here. Once you get here, you stay until something moves you to go “there.” So it is one step forward and two steps back.

I am not much interested in how others woke up; in fact, I don’t believe that is even possible. I have become a heretic in that sense. It just doesn’t apply to anyone but online pontificators. I don’t bump into awakened people when I am out in the world. Far from it.

I occupy the spirit world and the ego world at one and the same time. I cross the threshold between them again and again.

At night my dreams are a jumbled mess of unfinished business. They are seldom good.

I wake up hung over emotionally and have to spend time in silence before I can take on the new day.

There is no longer any rush. Things unfold, as do my newly sprouted wings of hope.

I do the best I can and that is enough. God probably realizes that.

Vicki Woodyard