If you agree, let me know….

I return from Macy’s discombobulated. That is a very southern word, I think. Traffic was crazy and even though I wore sunglasses, the December light almost blinded me. I raced to Macy’s because they have a program set up to give you funny money. If you don’t use it by a certain date, they cancel it. I learned that the hard way. But then I learn everything the hard way.

For dinner I had leftover broccoli and a couple of lentil tacos. The holiday calories are already tempting me and I ate donuts last night and regretted doing so. But the broccoli made up for it.

As I sat in silence, I thought, “You can’t put the past back together again.” Nor can you assemble the future ahead of time. That leaves the present moment and it is simply happening. These words you read are a happening. They are my soul crying out to God on some level.

“Please help us, because we are all playing hurt and in denial about that.”

My heart aches and will not be soothed by donuts or jokes or even prayers. My heart must bow before God and confess how off the mark I am.

No one is exempt from confession and atonement.

We all know exactly what is going on in the heart. (The head is just a junky spam mailbox).

My heart knows nothing about Macy sales or the pressure to live up to society.

My heart is where the crucifixion happens again and again and again.

After that, the resurrection.

But there is no such thing as a constant state of resurrection. Beware the con artists that preach bliss on earth. It don’t exist, suckas. It doesn’t exist.

Heaven is here and now but you can’t go there. Hell is where there is no escape save through knowing you are in it. Somehow heaven is directly linked to knowing that you are in hell.

But “This day thou shalt be with me in paradise.” And that is the truth, too.

Vicki Woodyard

6 Comments

  1. Perhaps it’s our age, but i now have low tolerance for shopping. Big stores are exhausting. No wonder online stores are popular. “The head is just a junky spam mailbox.” Brilliant!

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  2. If we have nothing to live for, life is good. Otherwise, it’s a cycle of needs not met and regret. I don’t know if it’s possible to live in a constant state of peace. If it is, I am not there. But mostly, it gets easier to wake yourself again after falling back into the drama which is life.

    Having NO expectations is helpful. The older I get, the less I expect anything at all. My answer to myself is ‘We’ll see what happens next.”

    You are so right when you say we have no control over a blessed thing. How true that one is. Yet, it’s freeing, right? Why worry about anything when we have no power to stop whatever our fear brings up. As Leonard Cohen sang, “It’s a cold and broken Hallelujah” and then it’s not…

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  3. I don’t agree that we’re all in hell and must deal with it… I’ve had a “teacher for over 45 years named PREM RAWAT…he showed me How to go Within! I hope you check him out..wopg.org…Words of Peace Global…Be Well!

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