These days I question what I should be doing as a writer. My style is to spill my guts before someone else does. I used to get flak for doing that in non-dual forums. Now everyone is doing it. I shoulda been a role model for that, but hey. I am still here telling it like it is whether I get credit or not.

I get emails from this wacko that preaches the gospel of excitement. I am underwhelmed by the concept. He seems to think that correcting our thinking brings miracles into play. I disagree. I want to get on the bandwagon, but I keep falling off.

I spoke of the man whose mother is dying of pancreatic cancer. You can’t think that one away. I can’t think my shrinking family away. I have to deal with it. I respect myself for that. I am just not wired for positive thinking. Instead I sit in silence more and more.

It is said that Jesus wept. I am quite sure He did. Nothing wrong with a good cleansing cry. We are all in this together and sometimes this hits home on a very deep level.

Life is not a game but a trial. The tests come at you; they blindside you; they terrify you. The Bible talks about that. And how Jesus asked that the cup be taken from Him. But it wasn’t. It never is.

In Leonard Cohen’s work he speaks of the darkness and drinking it up. He was a Jew that loved Jesus. I am a woman that loves the truth no matter where it comes from. After truth comes love. After drinking the bitter, one is stunned to discover the sweet. As Leonard sang so many times, “Hallelujah.” That is not a mental affirmation but a broken, beat-up body squeezing out the last drop of grace from a seemingly empty heart. And lo and behold, someone is listening to that broken cry. It doesn’t matter who it is. It just matters that you say it.

Vicki Woodyard