You can’t win in this world. Leonard Cohen was a master teacher in pointing that out. But I already knew that, Leonard. I knew it when a surgeon solemnly told me that the lump in my little girl’s leg was cancer. My life changed at that point and has never been the same since.

Some events are so pivotal that they change every atom of your perspective. In a nutshell, I struggle daily for ways to view things in a positive light. Like yesterday, when my friend told me that his mother has a fatal cancer. I know what lies ahead for him. I know that it will change everything in his life and not for the best.

As a writer and one on the spiritual path, I have learned a few things. They all boil down to this, and read this carefully: Self-love is the greatest test of all. I am struggling to love myself in spite of the suffering.

There is a way to do this and it always works. You look inside and find compassion for the pain that you feel. Forget anyone else’s pain because it is included. It is included because there is no inside and outside in reality. “Physician, heal thyself.”

It is ironic that in Sunday’s paper I read the obituary of a colleague of my late husband’s oncologist. He died of pancreatic cancer and he had every tool available due to his status.

Life 101. We all die regardless of fame, knowledge, skill, etc. Life is hard and only self-love heals. You can love others until the cows come home but if you leave yourself out, no healing will be available. Start with loving yourself and start immediately.

If you don’t know how, just say “I choose to love myself.” And keep saying it.

Vicki Woodyard