I have been listening to the late David Hawkins, who wrote “Power vs. Force.” There are many videos of him on YouTube. I have been struggling with my inability to surrender outcome. Ha! Welcome to the “I’m Human” Club.
I worry that my ebook is not good enough. My other books were powerful because I was in the midst of suffering. Now I am in a period of life where peace is often present. So I worry that my words in this new book will not be as “interesting.” Isn’t that silly?
My writing is not dependent on crisis and suffering. It is dependent on the fact that I am willing to be a scribe of sorts. That something compels me to sit down and let my fingers do the talking. And guess what? Some of you are listening.
Hawkins hits the mark much like Vernon Howard did. But he is gentler to listen to. I am willing to listen to anyone that can shift me into a deeper state of acceptance.
So what if my book is not as good as the others? Certainly they didn’t sell well. But as Theo told me, the right people will be drawn to them. They will say, “Ah, this is what I was looking for.”
I am just a person chock full of flaws. I come at life impulsively and then run away in a panic. Yet around this ego-driven self is a field of peace that is palpable. Betty Bethards told me that. She said, “Your aura is hugely peaceful.” And I know that she spoke the truth. But peaceful people can be impulsive and panicky. I should know!
So Dr. Hawkins would have told me to try to be more impulsive and run away more often, instead of trying to fight against myself. Maurice Nicoll said the same thing. That you must go to the things that you fear, that you should will them.
As for being a failure, I welcome it. The more failures the better. The quicker I will learn. Let’s all make a new vow to accept ourselves exactly as we are rather than be engaged in the civil war within, as Vernon Howard called it.
Now I am going to bed. Catch ya on the flip side….
If you want to donate and get the ebook and tell me what you think….
Vicki Woodyard
Vicki, I am printing out your book as I write this and can’t wait to read it. I love this post and understand the difficulties in surrendering the outcome. I know your book will be wonderful because you wrote it – it doesn’t have to be from a place of suffering – it will reach all who need to read it. Trust in that totally and believe it. I feel it in my heart.
Thank you for your good faith in me, Tibby. It is a strange thing to put a book out into the world, even if in a very limited way.