We are all looking for recognition and as long as we seek, we shall never find. Go ahead and repeat after me, “Dammit!” Oh, you know I speak the truth and then make you laugh. It is sometimes the only way to get your attention.

What will recognition do for us? In the extreme it will destroy us. Maybe just a microscopic amount is enough. Maybe we can survive that.

I didn’t get much recognition except for scholarship and that drove me to see myself as smart. I was also pretty but never sexy. I radiated “Look but don’t touch.” I was a virgin when I married and I stayed faithful. I am not a sexy person.

As a senior citizen, I blend in with every other silver fox on the planet. I still look for recognition. That is the nature of the beast. Repeat after me, “Dammit!” Laugh again. At least titter. If you can’t titter, smirk.

My last bastion of hope has been that I write. And yes, I look for recognition in that. It has come in microscopic amounts, so I will survive. Giggle and yes, a wee “dammit!” For the ego is insatiable and it will also lie and live in denial about that.

There is simply nothing to gain in this world that you can take into the next. (Dammit.) You get the idea now, don’t you?

So I hang up my lasting desire to be recognized in exchange for my very real nothingness. Nothing happens, dammit!

Well, what did you expect, a reward? Just like every other one you ever got. They dissolve like water on a sizzling griddle.

Forgive me for writing this, but it is Sunday afternoon and I have exhausted all other pursuits but writing. Dammit.

Vicki Woodyard
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