I have been anxious since my first panic attack at the age of twelve. Before then I lived in Eden. Maybe some people are lucky enough to continue living there, but I doubt it.
I am less anxious now, having spent a lifetime on the path of awakening, but it is still there, a genetic footprint left by my human ancestors. Yes, I know I am a child of God, but I am also decidedly human.
Part of my spiritual journey is to learn to honor every atom that is Vicki. It isn’t easy, for she is here to keep everything together as best she can. It is no good telling her that she can quit now, but there are other ways to work for her benefit.
I am witness to her anxiety, her insecurity and shame. I know she sorrows daily and I know how strong she is. But she cannot change her human inheritance, so I cherish her.
Life does not have to be such a big deal on the human level. We can relax into our innate ability to love ourselves while in the midst of our weaknesses.
So I linger over coffee. I enjoy a warm bath. I take a slow walk. I watch TV. I work crossword puzzles. I cherish myself. And I see myself respond. I am not wilted. I am refreshed by my own trips to the inner waterfall. It is open 24/7.
I have thrown the answers away because they didn’t work. No human answers do. I still have questions and they all arise from doubt. Vicki still suffers from anxiety, but I cannot doubt that love is all she needs. Not love from the outside but the inside. Love is an inside job. Of that I am sure.
Vicki Woodyard
thanks, Vicki. Needed that this morning.