Such as it is….
What will I leave behind when I am gone? Not much in the way of earthly connections. I have not been good at that. I do think that my writing has helped a few people in their darkest hours. Why? Because my writing comes from that place. I know whereof I speak.
I have studied with a brilliant teacher and that helped me see the darkness I carry daily. No one can say they have it made, teacher or no teacher. I have had to wrestle with myself until I could go no further. The wrestling was of little use.
Now I have come to a deeper understanding of why and how I write. It has not changed since I first began to be online in the early 2000s. The words unfurl and I record them quickly. These notes take me no time at all to write. But the place they come from is unmistakable.
I have paid my dues, in other words. I have been faithful to witnessing my faults. They are still with me. But now I see that a new purpose has arisen. It is to love myself in spite of them.
I will always write from darkness wanting to see the light. This is essential. Otherwise, you think you have achieved something that no human being can.
If my writing helps you untie a few knots, I am grateful. That seems to be what it is about.
Vicki Woodyard
Beautiful post, Vicki. I love to hear how you are learning to love yourself despite faults. That is so difficult to do – we are our own worst enemies – but loving ourselves is essential to growth. Once we are content we ourselves, most anxiety seems to fall away because we no longer look to others for approval. Thank you for your lovely and powerful writing.
It is the only way I have discovered that rids me of thought and returns me to the moment.