The universe is achingly honest. Five words. The universe is also achingly deceptive. Consider how cute puppies are. And how senile old dogs break your heart. The spectrum is there for a reason.

I had not cried in months. Last night I managed to work up a few tears, but not a lot. I am not the young mother that buried a daughter. I am an old woman that is wising up to how the universe works.

I looked in the mirror to behold a stranger. When did this happen? Why do I bloat if I eat even a little salt? Nothing to do but be.

And then I saw something else about the universe. When I actually surrender, everything changes. The edges soften. That is the purpose of tears. They cleanse your eyes and soul of all the grit that life’s realism blows in your face.

So I saw that life goes on in its aching honesty. It is a deep truth that egos do not believe in God. That is why they act the role so poorly.

What if I stopped playing God? I read Sunday that a man has been playing the role of Jesus for almost his entire career. He says that some people ask him for healing and he always gives them what they want. And he means it most sincerely. All people want is belief.

Love is not something humans act well. That is why society crucifies true love. That is why Leonard Cohen appeals to so many people, even in death. They knew he was singing truth in a way that people could resonate with.

So I have written today’s essay. I slept poorly last night and today the skies are Good Friday dark, even though that day has come and gone. But soon the sun will shine again and I will sleep soundly as a new puppy. At least I hope so.

Vicki Woodyard