As I made the little video where I read from Bigger Than The Sky, I realized that the most precious things go unnoticed because they are deemed to be ordinary. Peter was able to show people how simple life is when the complications blot out the sky of your soul. That happened to him, you see. A radical ending to his normal life. It was happening to me as we corresponded.

No, we were not in a war zone and yet we had both mustered our inner forces big-time. But hear this well, we were not mustering the same forces at all. I was using my emotional and physical energy to take care of my husband. Peter had let go in that department. He had no choice in the matter. All he could do was nothing! Let that sink in.

I could barely crawl to the keyboard to email him because of burnout. He could barely crawl, but it was because he literally could barely crawl. His series of strokes had felled him like a beautiful tree. He lurched about, falling down repeatedly. But when he fell, he would allow himself to look up at the sky. I was not taking time to do that. Not at all.

I was dwelling on the imminent loss of my husband, while Peter was experiencing grace. So as he held my hand, he only spoke of simple daily things. Of cats and sunshine and a small stream burbling. And it was medicine for me.

Peter has been gone for years and so has my dear husband. But I am still here. I am still here. Writing, living simply, being grateful for my connection to the kirtan community, for that is my spiritual home these days. Grateful to the shaman who lifted much of my grief. Grateful for my son, who shares this precious life with me. He, like me, has grown from the ordeals of losing sister and father to fatal cancers. We seldom talk of the past, though.

I spoke of complications that blot out the sky of your soul. I must add that Peter, in realizing that he was bigger than the sky, cleared the clouds away for me, as he had for himself. Now as I look up, I see clearly that grace is always with us. Sure, it may be fierce, as Ram Dass says, but with love around, clarity is sure to follow.

Vicki Woodyard