Every day we have to reset our intention to remember ourselves. That we are love incarnate and have forgotten. Once we remember that, the battle has just begun. For as we witness our inner condition, there are lots of thoughts that have nothing to do with love. They are fear-based hangovers from many lifetimes. All we do is witness them, though.
At night I have trouble going to sleep and staying asleep. That is a battle in itself. And my dreams are generally frustrating ones. I often get up before light and have breakfast and return to bed. Then I dream some more and wake up more rested.
The silence is here more and more. I am immersed in it for longer periods of time. It informs me of eternity by its presence. The noisiness of thought is learning to surrender to this silence, although it is easily lost.
So many people online are not quite sure what is going on. Are there real friends in Facebook Land? I don’t think so. I think of them as reflections of the One, though. I enjoy reaching out and sharing with them what my journey is like. For I began in sorrow back in 2001 and wrote my way back into peace.
The sorrow will always run in the background and it gives my work a depth and seasoning that I do not resist. For others may be meeting it for the first time and need to acknowledge it. Sorrow and suffering mean you have a heart. Only sociopaths escape these emotions.
We must stop believing that nothing can be done, for love is doing it all. What we have to do is let go. We have to stop believing we are our stupid thoughts. They are leftovers from the back of the fridge that are no longer nourishing. Dump ‘em in the trash and breathe the aroma of awareness.
The intention to return to love is always honored even if you don’t feel like it the moment you choose it. We are all on a seesaw in this planetary playground. Some of us are up and others are down. We must be kind to ourselves, take naps and snacks and lots of timeouts to regroup.
Love,
Vicki
Ahhhhh….love it!
I took a brake from the operating system computer playground and then was pulled into the political playground both are tiring and go round and round. Then I came across the last days of Nisargadatta Maharaj and sanity returned, well the idea of it did anyhow. A nap perhaps is next, the assured silence aided by the drone of a fan in the background another temporary dip into what is that which seems important for now a appetizer before the awaiting final plunge back into the ocean where we all remain yet think are way back into separate waves.
For too many years I failed myself for not paying attention to me, shutting out all signs that I was pushing too hard, going too fast, taking on more than I could handle, running from everything that hurt me. I was Superwoman, super mom, super employee, super volunteer…..then I crashed, my body crashed….hard. I never loved myself. I grew up in a loveless environment where children were silenced, feelings were not discussed. We worked. We were human doers, not beings. The cycle never broke until it broke me. I still didn’t learn to love myself after laying to rest my only son and only grandchild. I kept moving like a crazed woman….running away from all that hurt. Sleep has escaped me since I was young–my mind is always ‘on’. As an introvert reaching out for help was beyond difficult. But I did. I’m now trying to find myself, love myself….rest, nap, snack, sleep, surrender. I have one foot on the right path now…..
Oh, Joyce, this IS our inner work! We have found it; we must continue to cherish it.
AMEN!